PROCRASTINATION CON-VO-SAY-SHUN

My Daughter: "I will do it tomorrow."
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Me: "Today is yesterday's tomorrow!"
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My Daughter: "I never said I would do anything tomorrow yesterday!"
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Me: "........" (I mean, how can you argue with that?)

MY MIRACLES

Yesterday, as I was leaving for work, my daughter asked me to pray for her drive to and from work. She just had a nervous feeling. Of course I prayed. She called me when she got to work and we both went on about our day. Later that afternoon, I was on my way back to the office from a meeting over an hour away. I was turning onto the street my office is on when my cell phone went off. It was my daughter. Her brakes had failed but she was ok. I dropped my co-worker off and raced to meet up with her on the side street she had managed to pull off on.

Much of her drive involves a 50 mph highway. There is a stretch of expressway that she takes and then has a quick traffic light as soon as she exits. When we stopped to think about what she could have faced if the brakes had failed along her route, we were both a bit shaken.

I was able to drive her car home, she wasn't too far. She followed behind in mine. Her Uncle Darryl came to her rescue and fixed her car for her. Turns out one of the brake lines had worn against her shocks, suddenly draining the brake fluid.

Thank You, Lord, for my daughter's safety. Thank You for a brother that is always there when we need him. Thank You that the 3rd place I tried, had the parts we needed to repair her car. Thank You that my work day was suddenly changed, bringing me close to home when I was needed. Thank You for Your care and presence when we know we are in need, and for those times we don't even have a clue. Thank You for being the Rock that I run to, the Shelter that I hide in.

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Hear my cry, O God,listen to my prayer;

from the end of the earth I call to you

when my heart is faint.

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I,

for you have been my refuge,a strong tower against the enemy.

Let me dwell in your tent forever!

Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings! Selah

Psalm 61:1-4

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Image taken from here.

GRASS HOUSE

I was visiting LLL's blog the other day and I ended up on one of her friend's blogs. He was talking about working on a tree house. I just saw a documentary on a couple that built this incredible tree house, complete with flat panel TV's and a number of other modern conveniences. It was very beautiful.

Anyhow, this got me to thinking about this grass house I saw once. My daughter and I were camping with about 7 other families in Northern Michigan. On one of the roads we frequented we saw this grass house. It was similar to the picture I have posted in that there was a doorway. And a window or two. But this house was more of a rounded mound with long grass on top and a couple of lawn chairs. We kind of laughed about it because it was so unusual and of course, those two lawn chairs.....

We decided to get a closer look and pulled onto the side street. I don't know what came over me but I just had to see the inside. I told my friends that I was going to see if the owner would let me in. Against their protests, I jumped out of the car, my young daughter following behind, and went up and knocked on the door. A man answered the door, his German Shepherd right beside him. I brashly asked if we could see inside his house. Surprisingly, he opened the door and let us in. I only was nervous for a few seconds when I noticed the shot gun leaning against the door jam. Or when the German Shepherd came to investigate.

You guys, I wish I had had a camera. Inside this funny mound of grass covered dirt was a beautiful house. Turning right from a very small vestibule area was this huuuuggggeee room with a domed ceiling. To the right was the most gigantic, fabulous stone fireplace that you could ever imagine. Circling to the left, we could see into the dining and kitchen areas. Left of that were the leather bound chairs and couch. The owner was gracious enough to answer my many questions. It turns out that this was the second grass house that he had built. The insulation aspects were what led him to build a grass house. He was congenial and kind, hosting these inquisitive strangers.

I thanked him for his time and returned to my waiting friends...the looks on their faces said it all. "We can't take her anywhere!" LOL But this is one time that I was glad my curiosity overtook my common sense. I will never forget this tiny adventure!

Here is a link to a tree house in progress: http://whateverisnew.blogspot.com/

Image taken from here.

FORBIDDEN FRUIT

Sunday I was going through mail and I came across two letters that I had set aside to make a decision on. The letters were identical, except one was addressed to me and one addressed to my ex-husband. They were from an insurance company. I had opened mine and it was a letter saying they had refund money on a policy from 2003 and if I didn't respond, that money would go into the governments "unclaimed money" account or wherever it is they keep it.

I had put the letters aside because I needed time to think. The last time I had been insured by that company was when I was married. At some point, I learned that my ex had canceled the insurance on my vehicle without me knowledge, even though he was supposed to be to paying all bills. I don't remember the details, I just remember that this particular company refused to insure me despite my clean driving record, and refused to given me any additional information because the policy had been originally taken out by my ex. I was still legally his wife, but that didn't matter. I also remember scrambling to find insurance on a Saturday. I don't remember how many calls I made, but I finally found an office that was open. I am still with that insurer, out of loyalty, because he kept his office open on Saturday and was there in my moment of crisis.

My ex was just like that. I could tell you story after story. He is still like that. I ask him for very little help with my daughter because he usually says no. The latest was regarding her health insurance. I emailed him and asked him to keep her policy current until I could make other arrangements. I said that I would reimburse him for it. He responded by saying that she (our daughter) was young and healthy and there were more important things like school, and vehicle repairs to spend money on. He added that if she was injured in a car accident, her car insurance would cover any medical bills. And, if I insisted on getting her health insurance, I could feel free to contact the carrier directly, their information was on her card. And I am not making this up. This is almost verbatim.

Enough about him, back to me. I needed to think about those two letters because I figured I had several options. 1)I could forward his letter to him so he could claim the money. 2) I could claim the money myself and he would never be the wiser. 3) I could tear up my letter and throw his away, or better yet, return it to the sender. We have been divorced for over 5 years and I am certainly not responsible for him getting this letter. In fact, I don't believe he deserves that money. And if I claimed it, I could give that money to my daughter or apply it toward her dental or eye appointment...or any other number of things that she needs...not wants...but needs. You can probably imagine where my thought process went.

So there I was on Sunday night. I decided to make a decision. I decided that I would claim the money and somehow use it for my daughter. I filled out my name on the form. I signed it. Right below my signature I had to fill in another blank indicating why I had the right to this money. Was I the owner? The spouse? At first, I decided to leave that blank. After all, there was a date four months after my divorce was final. I didn't know what that date indicated...the date they stopped trying to refund the money? The date the policy was cancelled? I couldn't say owner because I didn't know which vehicle this policy/refund was for...his or mine. I couldn't say spouse because I would have been divorced by that month. I contemplated saying ex-spouse but then I figured I wouldn't get the refund for sure.

I finally decided that I would fill that blank in as "Owner". I wrote the words, sealed the enveloped and put it in a pile of other letters and bills to be mailed, satisfied that I would be getting some unexpected money in a few weeks.

And then I thought of that date...four months after my marriage was decreed invalid and I was no longer legally entitled to anything owned by my ex-husband. I picked up my envelope, crying out of anger and frustration and resentment and need and a myriad of other emotions. I ripped it in half...again and again...until there were only small shreds of paper left.

And I picked up his envelope...the one that I knew would give him an unexpected blessing and I wrote a note on the back explaining that I had received the exact same letter but that I thought this belonged to him. His name was the only salutation. The initial of my first name was the only closing regard. And I folded his envelope and put it into another. Writing his address clearly and placing two stamps on it to make sure there would be no insufficient postage problems. And I placed it in the pile of letters and bills that I would drop at the post office the next morning.

And I did this for one reason. Not because my ex is most likely entitled to this money and I am not. Not because I love my ex, because I do not. Not because I am a good, honest person, although I try to be. Not because of karma. Not because I expect to be rewarded for doing the right thing. Not because I am a Christian. Not because I thought it might be sin. Not because I am afraid God wouldn't forgive me. Not because I am strong enough to resist temptation, I often fail.

I almost took a bite of that forbidden fruit. I could taste it. I wanted it. The only reason I didn't was because I love God...I really do love Him. I love Him more than I want that money. More than I want revenge or justice. And when I thought of Him, my hand reached out and put the fruit back on the tree.

Image taken from here.

SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE

We went to a wedding last night. It was fun! Besides celebrating the launch into a new phase of life, there are always the mutual friends you get a chance to catch up on life with as well. Our table laughed the whole night. It pretty much started when I was trying to smell a candle, and didn't realize that hot wax was dripping all over my blouse. On my way back from the Ladies Room, the table next to us told me that I had toilet paper stuck on my shoe. I guess the look on my face was pretty good, because then their whole table was laughing. Ah, it is my gift to spread joy...tee hee.
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My favorite moment of the evening was watching another couple, part of the bridal party. The wife, one of my "kids" is ready to have her second child any moment. She was hoping to make it through last night before going into labor. Her and her husband stood up with other people, but at one point, her husband walked over to tenderly help her down a couple of steps. His touch was so gentle and loving. Just what a wife wants, someone strong to watch over her and take care of her. I wished I could capture that moment for them forever...something for them to look back on when times are tough, or dirty clothes left on the floor irritate, the checkbook doesn't balance....or they are sitting on the porch on warm evening just looking at the stars.
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Earlier in the day I was thinking about a line that is rarely heard in wedding ceremonies now-a-days....that moment when the minister asks the crowd if anyone knows of any reason the bride and groom should not be joined in holy matrimony. You know the line...."Speak now, or forever hold your peace." How did that start to be a part of the commitment ceremony? Has anyone ever stood up and responded to that? The only example I can think of is from fiction, when Jane Eyre was going to marry Mr. Rochester, who happened to still be married. I seriously cannot imagine how one would handle that moment. I mean, what would you do? Stop the wedding and get marital counseling? Say, "You know, you are right. The sames things have been bothering me for a while now?" It would be rather awkward to greet that person after you went ahead and they came through your receiving line. Maybe that is why there are so many groomsmen....crowd control. :-)

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Image taken from here.

HOLY SNACKS, BATMAN!

A woman apparently came across this Cheeto in her bag of snacks and a local radio station posted it under the heading "Cheesus".
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Is it bad that I laughed?

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"He can't contest it. He's not an interesting party!"
-Said by a very interesting person!

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Image taken from here.

PARTY ON, GARTH!

Wow, did I have a wonderful weekend. Friday, I had dinner with a friend from high school. She also stood up in my wedding. We had a number of years to catch up on. It was wonderful to hear about her family and the many ways God has blessed her.

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Saturday, we began repainting Rachel's room. Off to Lowe's to pick out paint. The young kid at the paint counter told me I made his day. That was because I enlisted him to assist in pranking my daughter. I got him to put a horrible color on the paint can lid when he was done mixing the right color. It only took her a few minutes to figure out that mom was up to her shenanigans again. But it was fun. We painted the rest of the day, picked out a new lamp, new curtains, and a few other odds and ends. Her room is looking pretty good!

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Sunday was the cherry on top of this delightful weekend. My friends Manly and Juney and I attended a service at Evangel Ministries. What a great time!! This church loves Jesus. And loves whoever walks in their doors. It was a total party....celebrating, dancing, learning, giving and receiving. I haven't had this much fun in a long time.

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I walked in to work this morning and one of my co-workers said "You must have had a good weekend. You look rested." I would say it was peace and joy more than rest!!

Many years ago, I wrote a personal mission statement. I came across it recently and I may have thrown it out because when I looked for it this morning, I couldn't find it. You see, so much has changed and I thought parts of it no longer applied.

But yesterday, a couple of things inspired me to revisit the idea of a personal mission statement. I read this-

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But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare. Jeremiah 29:7

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I have been waiting to exit this "exile" I have found myself in. Being rescued....that is what I have been focusing on. Returning to independence, my own home, financial security, a community. I have spent the last few years looking down the road, wondering and waiting for whatever it was that would take me to a new place, a place that would feel like freedom or home or something other than were I was.

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Yesterday, we were returning from somewhere, and the little girl across the street...I don't even know her name...said hello. I didn't hear her and walked into the house. My daughter said, "Mom, that little girl said hello to you." I felt bad that I had inadvertently ignored that sweet little soul. That and the scripture I read yesterday are speaking to me. I need to look around me with fresh eyes. I believe that God is sovereign and there are so many turns in which He could have changed my present. But He didn't. I must conclude that I am right where He wants me. Not just where I live, but other areas of my life. What has been fuzzy, clouded by self-pity, is becoming more clear. I have been railing against the bars and chains, and have wasted much. Time and resources.

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I think that living, really living, in exile is better than being stagnant. I need to start living.

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P.S. My new mission statement is in progress to be shared later.

Image taken from here.

THE FUEL CRISIS

With fuel prices being so high, my daughter and I decided to walk to the local pharmacy so I could pick up a few things for my mom. We talked about this and that. We walked around the store looking at make-up and this and that. We bought a "green" bag to carry our purchases home in.

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Time wise...it took us just over an hour. I don't know what we saved in gas. I don't know how many calories we burned. I just know......

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...it was good. It was very good!

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Image taken from here.

THE SOLOIST

I was at a gathering a couple weeks back and the topic of conversation turned to mental illness. The young man I was conversing with asked if I had ever read "The Soloist" by Steve Lopez. I hadn't but the conversation was intriguing. My daughter and I happened to visit a our friend's bookstore right after that conversation and she spotted the book. I picked it up and started to read it while she browsed other shelves. I could not put it down.

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You will read about the power of music and the power of friendship in this book. It made me want to do a better job being a friend and a better job of making myself and my resources available to others.

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I highly recommend this book. If you want to know more, you can read about it here, the same place I got the image from.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRIET POTTER!

Today is Beatrix Potter's birthday. My post's title says Harriet Potter. That will make my daughter laugh. I often confuse words and names, making for some confusing and humorous moments. As was the time when I brought home a movie about "Harriet Potter" for Rachel to watch once when she was sick. Worse, we had already watched the movie but I forgot!
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We love Beatrix Potter's work. My brother gave my daughter 2 boxed sets of her books when she was very young. Later, my mom gave her a set of tapes...the books brought to life! The artwork was captivating. The stories charming. She read these books over and over. She was transported to a world of wonder. We have these treasures boxed and set aside with her most cherished items from her youth.
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So thank you, "Harriet" Beatrix Potter. You have brought countless hours of joy and fertilized the fields of imagination in numerous young minds. God definitely gifted you with creativity. Rachel and I are glad you were born!
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Read more about Beatrix at the site I got the image from.

UPDATES

My daughter has returned from the far corners of the world...well, from Kansas. It is funny, but somehow that week she changed and returned to me more of an adult than she was before. She was able to visit some museums and had a replica of King Richard, the Lion-Hearted's sword shipped home. I must admit, it is beautiful. And further proof that my daughter marches to the beat of her own drummer. No clothes, no shoes, no jewelry, no typical 18 year old purchases while out of town...but a sword. I have always enjoyed that about her.

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I have to find a new time to blog. I used to take my lunches to catch up and post. But I rarely take a lunch at work now. I haven't had any further issues with my gall bladder. I am working really hard at eating and exercise...just trying to keep as healthy as possible.

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My mom hasn't had any further issues that could have put her in the hospital. However, she continues to become more disoriented. I am really working with her diet as well, hoping that will give her the best opportunity for staying at her home. Yesterday she asked me if I knew who all the people were in the photographs that I had in her living room. They are all pictures of family, her parents, her children, her grandchildren. Sigh. I have a degree in Gerontology and had worked for 20 plus years in long term care, so I know what to do and what to expect. But, it doesn't lessen the sadness that I feel for her. The good news is, she is still very much aware and connected to her cat. So when I hear her talking to her cat every morning, I remain convinced, that despite all her other issues, I have made the best choices for her. She is happy to be in her own home. With her cat.

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I want to end with a Quote of the Day that I didn't get to post yet:

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"Did you say ASPERGAS?"

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Image taken from here.

THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER REVISTED

The graduation party was incredible! After it was all over, Rachel and I prayed together and just thanked God for the many loving people has brought into our lives. We felt surrounded by God's love. My family and closest friends helped with the food and my moment of panic when the circuits kept blowing and we couldn't get the food warmed. I think my eyes glazed over and when I came to...the food was ready! (Did I mention that they also cleaned up afterward?) Also, there was no brawling. My husband's mother, who has barely been able to stand being in the same vicinity as me, actually talked to me and gave me a number of hugs! God is truly good.

The morning after, I took my daughter to meet her dad for their trip to the airport. She will return from Kansas next Tuesday. Tomorrow is her 18th birthday and I still feel sad that we will be apart. I have sent her a couple of cards and have a present for her to open hidden in her luggage.

Last Thursday, my mom had some health problems. Thought we would end up in the ER. We still may.

Monday, I think I had a gall bladder attack.

So, mostly good stuff....and a bit of the difficult.

EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER

I am finishing up a few things before I am off from work the rest of the week. Saturday, we will celebrate my daughter's graduation from high school. A number of broken relationships will be reunited there. Either God will be glorified in all of these lives....or it will be a glorious brawl! I will let you know what happens.

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On Sunday, my daughter will leave with her dad to visit his home in Kansas. I already miss her. I already worry that he will take good care of her. I know this will be a good thing for her relationship with him, that she is growing up and will have plenty of adventures of her own...but the mom in me is still strong. As she learns independence, I will learn to let go.

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She will turn 18 while she is away. I have never been apart from her on her birthday. I won't like that. Neither will she. We are truly best friends. For that, I am very grateful.

Image taken from here.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Question: Do you want to go to the store?

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Answer: "Heave 'er up an' away we'll go!"

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Image taken from here.

TODAY IS NOT MONDAY....

For some reason, I keep thinking it is Monday...or maybe it just feels like a Monday. My brain knows it is Wednesday. Yesterday, one of the new drivers I was training kept thinking it was Monday. Maybe I caught something from him? LOL

Image taken from here.

WAS THAT WHIZZER WHIZZING BY?

My neighbors have a white dog named Whizzer. Yeah, I don't think he got that name for being fast. They have asked several times(and I don't believe they were kidding) if we were perhaps looking for a dog. One day I saw Whizzer running down the street and was able to entice him to me with some very splendid dog treats. When I returned him, his owners clipped him to a leash INSIDE the house. I thought this very strange until I heard stories about their "wireless" fence and many other failed attempts to keep Whizzer in his own yard.

A week or so later, as I stood over a counter preparing some things for my mom's daily rituals, I saw a very tired, white dog hurrying home in the early morning hours. Was it? Why yes, it was Whizzer. That was the first of many mornings I have watched Whizzer returning from his canine adventures, tongue lolling to the side, laboured breathing...but definitely a look of smug satisfaction on his whiskered face.

This makes me laugh. I look for Whizzer every morning now, hoping to witness this triumphant truant returning in all his glorious splendor. I don't know why this makes me feel happy....but it does.

Image taken from here.

CONFESSION

Sooooooo....I mentioned my co-worker, Jill in my last post. And how she was touching the lives of others. I was telling my daughter about her. And I said, "Man, I want to be a part of God's story like that." Several weeks ago, I shared with a group of friends that I felt like I didn't want "it to be over" when it came to ministry and ministering. That I have this deep longing to be doing something but I just don't see or know what that is. In the past I very much felt God's focus and direction and call.

And yesterday I was mulling this all over. And two things God said to me:

1. He has placed me in a position to serve. But it is one I don't like. That of taking care of my mother. Our roles basically reversed when I was around 12 years old. I became the caretaker. She was broken in spirit by her divorce. And later, broken in body and resigned to a wheelchair. I take care of her most private of personal needs. I have been doing this for so long and I frequently resent it. Oh, sometimes I see the picture clearly. I see all this as an answer to her prayers. I see it as a way to minster in a Mother Theresa-esque way. Caring for the sick. But honestly, most of the time I see it as a burden and I dream of the days I can escape. And I often minster in the most joyless manner. I am not telling this so you can feel sorry for me. I am asking for your prayers so I can be strong in what I have been called to and strong enough to repent of the resentment and bitterness that I give way to. Really, I don't want advice....I just need your prayers.

2. He has put opportunities in my path...but I have stopped watching for them...missing them completely. And He brought opportunity after opportunity to my mind. Ahhh, how could I have walked right by that one? This one, it didn't even register. Yesterday I was determined to be very deliberate about watching. And there they came, opportunities that I could act on. Not for a pat on the back. Not to be busy. But how can I explain....just to be a part of Jesus and His work on this earth...it is fulfilling, it is holy, it is an honor that I don't deserve but again, one I am thankful for. Again, please pray for me. That I can pause from my self-focus to see others...to answer the call when my Lord sends it out.

I have been the pontificator. I have been the theorizer too self-absorbed to be moved to action. My heart has been filled with self-pity. That is NOT what I want to offer to a holy God.

image taken from here.

WHAT IMPRESSES ME.....

1. True Leaders....because it is a mighty thing to have people want to follow you.
2. Peace Makers....it is an easier road to sow conflict. A much harder way to delicately navigate conflict with wisdom and righteousness.
3. My co-worker, Jill. She does not pontificate. She does not theorize. She just washed 14 loads of laundry for someone who did not have a washer. She has made countless blankets for the poor. She bought a suit for a child who was graduating at the top of his class but did not own a suit. She delivered several dressers to families nearby after brokering them from a storage facility for a very reasonable price. All this in the name of Jesus and within the last two weeks.
4. Artists and writers and musicians. Because they capture what beats in our hearts but often finds no adequate way of expression.
5. The Generous....who have unwrapped their fingers from self and material gain and in turn, have met the real needs of others.
6. Seekers....who do not boast of knowing all truth...but commit to the journey of discovery beyond themselves, and in their journey, teach others.
7. The Simple....who often in their simplicity, live profoundly.
8. Old People who still hold hands and old women who still blush at a compliment from their aged lovers.
9. Creation....the vastness, the diversity, the expression and the unexplainable....more than enough to ponder and wonder about for a life time and forever.
10. The Creator...who is and was and is to come.