I WONDER WHAT THEY WERE THINKING

19 And going on a little farther, he saw James the son of Zebedee and John his brother, who were in their boat mending the nets. 20 And immediately he called them, and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired servants and followed him. MARK 1
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I wonder what Zebedee was thinking when his sons left their work in response to Jesus' call. Did his sons say anything to him like, "Hey dad, you will be ok. You have these servants to help you." or "We are going to check this out and will back in an hour or so." Did he beg them to stay or secretly wish he was the one exiting the boat? Was he mad? Indifferent? Confused?
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I wonder what the servants were thinking as well. "There go the boss's sons...they always get out of work." Had they heard anything about Jesus? Were they ticked off with getting stuck with more work? Or were their hearts breaking because they didn't have the right to follow?
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I wonder what this moment in time looked like to those around who weren't being called?

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Little Sisters 1 and 2, and Pamela...thanks for the meals. Deeply appreciated!

THE DATING GAME

I feel like I am a contestant on The Dating Game. Not in the way you probably think. We are currently without a home church. And we have been visiting. And visiting. With no clear direction as to where to settle. And I am tired of playing the field. I want to settle down.
I knew God was directing me when we became part of a church plant a couple years back. I remember exactly what I was doing and thinking when God said, "Go."
Now, I feel like I am taking a stab in the dark. Like I am guessing. And that's why I feel like a contestant on the The Dating Game. I feel like I am asking all these questions, but "don't know" more than I "do know" about the places we have visited. I feel the need to pick, to choose and then to live with my decision, even though there could be something better. But maybe not. Maybe whatever I pick is the best from God's viewpoint. But what to pick? Have I missed something? Somewhere I haven't been yet?
What I really want is an angel to appear, or a pillar of smoke or fire to follow...something that lets me know exactly where God wants my daughter and I to plug in. I keep asking Him, but I get nothing. Yet, I do believe He wants us to plug in. I think it is something my daughter really needs right now.
We have lots of friends. We know how to follow God. We are very welcome at places we have been and places we have visited. So it's not about belonging, or being part of the Body of Christ, or finding purpose, or loving His church.
And yet it is.
I guess we just want a place we can call our own.
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Image taken from here.

SOMETHING TO PONDER

I came across this post on one of my favorite blogs. This gave me some things to think about.

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"Living Soli Deo Gloria Under Obama"

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CAN MAN LIVE WITHOUT GOD?

I was up on and off all night, my mind just swarming with thoughts. I started reading this book by Ravi Zacharias. It is based on lectures he gave at Harvard and Ohio State. I am just a few pages into the book, but when I put it down last night I tried to imagine what this world would be like without God.

My first thought was...how would I feel if I lost God? I thought about the many years I spent childless, wanting a child. Now that I actually know my daughter, I cannot imagine life without her. When I transposed those thoughts into what it would be like to have known God and then to lose Him, my first thought was....GRIEF.

All night long, I kept thinking of aspects of a life without God. How would my personal life be different? What would it be like to live in a world that was not created by God? Would it be as beautiful? Would the sun still warm us? Would colors be vibrant?

What would it be like to interact with other humans without a moral code? I am not talking about a list of do's or don'ts...but a universal moral code? What would commerce be like? What would I place my hope in? What would drive me?

I remember having a sort of spiritual awareness even as a young child. I was raised with religion, so it was not a thing unfamiliar. But the first memory I had of something personal between me and God was as a young child. I said something to the girl next door about Noah's Ark. She had never heard of Noah's Ark. I was surprised and I began to tell her about Noah and God and the animals. I told her story after story. And while I was talking...I felt something. I didn't know what it was but it was deep within the very center of me. An awakening, or stirring, or knowledge...a definate feeling. As an adult, I believe that was the Holy Spirit. Maybe a prompt, or a nod, or a smile. I don't know which. But it was very real, sort of like the butterflies or warm feeling you get when you look at someone you love.

As the night progressed, I came to realize that I think most people are not athiests. To be an athiest, one must strongly deny the existance of God, of a spirituality even outside of Christendom. I think the majority of people espouse the existance of God, but live without Him. I think this realization surprised me. I don't know. Perhaps I never pondered it quite fully before.

You know what surprised me even more? Me! As much as I think I am a Christ follower, I was confronted with how much of my life I live without God! I am wondering how my life will look different when I live more with God than without Him?!

SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE

We went to a wedding last night. It was fun! Besides celebrating the launch into a new phase of life, there are always the mutual friends you get a chance to catch up on life with as well. Our table laughed the whole night. It pretty much started when I was trying to smell a candle, and didn't realize that hot wax was dripping all over my blouse. On my way back from the Ladies Room, the table next to us told me that I had toilet paper stuck on my shoe. I guess the look on my face was pretty good, because then their whole table was laughing. Ah, it is my gift to spread joy...tee hee.
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My favorite moment of the evening was watching another couple, part of the bridal party. The wife, one of my "kids" is ready to have her second child any moment. She was hoping to make it through last night before going into labor. Her and her husband stood up with other people, but at one point, her husband walked over to tenderly help her down a couple of steps. His touch was so gentle and loving. Just what a wife wants, someone strong to watch over her and take care of her. I wished I could capture that moment for them forever...something for them to look back on when times are tough, or dirty clothes left on the floor irritate, the checkbook doesn't balance....or they are sitting on the porch on warm evening just looking at the stars.
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Earlier in the day I was thinking about a line that is rarely heard in wedding ceremonies now-a-days....that moment when the minister asks the crowd if anyone knows of any reason the bride and groom should not be joined in holy matrimony. You know the line...."Speak now, or forever hold your peace." How did that start to be a part of the commitment ceremony? Has anyone ever stood up and responded to that? The only example I can think of is from fiction, when Jane Eyre was going to marry Mr. Rochester, who happened to still be married. I seriously cannot imagine how one would handle that moment. I mean, what would you do? Stop the wedding and get marital counseling? Say, "You know, you are right. The sames things have been bothering me for a while now?" It would be rather awkward to greet that person after you went ahead and they came through your receiving line. Maybe that is why there are so many groomsmen....crowd control. :-)

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Image taken from here.

Many years ago, I wrote a personal mission statement. I came across it recently and I may have thrown it out because when I looked for it this morning, I couldn't find it. You see, so much has changed and I thought parts of it no longer applied.

But yesterday, a couple of things inspired me to revisit the idea of a personal mission statement. I read this-

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But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare. Jeremiah 29:7

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I have been waiting to exit this "exile" I have found myself in. Being rescued....that is what I have been focusing on. Returning to independence, my own home, financial security, a community. I have spent the last few years looking down the road, wondering and waiting for whatever it was that would take me to a new place, a place that would feel like freedom or home or something other than were I was.

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Yesterday, we were returning from somewhere, and the little girl across the street...I don't even know her name...said hello. I didn't hear her and walked into the house. My daughter said, "Mom, that little girl said hello to you." I felt bad that I had inadvertently ignored that sweet little soul. That and the scripture I read yesterday are speaking to me. I need to look around me with fresh eyes. I believe that God is sovereign and there are so many turns in which He could have changed my present. But He didn't. I must conclude that I am right where He wants me. Not just where I live, but other areas of my life. What has been fuzzy, clouded by self-pity, is becoming more clear. I have been railing against the bars and chains, and have wasted much. Time and resources.

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I think that living, really living, in exile is better than being stagnant. I need to start living.

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P.S. My new mission statement is in progress to be shared later.

Image taken from here.

CONNECTED

Tonight my daughter and I stood out on the front porch, eyes to the sky. We were there to see a total lunar eclipse. It was silent except for our quiet exchanges. Our breath swirled misty around us in the freezing cold. Then voices burst our solitude, as front doors swung open up and down the block, with parents and blanket wrapped children joining our revery. I thought about the link that joined us, each family seperate yet connected, to see this display in the heavens.

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My mind turned to another connection. The many of us who were thinking about Arlene and her family. Today was the day that God called Arlene home. I wondered how many of those who were linked to Arlene were thinking about her, sharing these same seconds with me. I also wondered if they were recalling that Wednesdays had become the day we set aside to pray for her. I wondered if they thought, as I was, how God's fingerprints were all over this day, all over this event of the eclipse...just as they were all over the things in Arlene's life that made her special...that drew us to her.

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Connected...in life...in love...in friendship...in faith.

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Image taken from here.

TAGGED

My friend Dave tagged me. (No apologies needed Dave!)

Here are the requests of the tag:
1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five other people.

"What if they are?" he said. "It don't change what you gotta do, Chick. You stay in those cages, work with your coaches, and be ready when the time comes..." from FOR ONE MORE DAY by Mitch Albom.

This is an interesting little book that I got from my brother for Christmas (I just started it...only a few chapters in). It's about a former World Series player who attempted suicide and lives. Albom is also author of TUESDAY'S WITH MORRIE and THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN. My favorite Albom book though was his Bo Schembechler biography. Albom is a sports writer in Detroit and is also known for writing a totally made up column included quotes from a player about winning a game....which might have never achieved any notariety if the team had not lost the game. (I may not have the details correct..it was a while ago and many of us have come to learn that this is not uncommon among sports writers. If Ray Barone did it, we would think it was funny.)

I met Mitch Albom once, before he authored a novel, and was just known as the favorite son of the Detroit sports world. I was a consultant for a long term care management firm and was coordinating a Wheelchair Olympics for nursing home residents from about 9 facilities in Michigan. We held it at Madonna University, which happens to be the school I graduated from. What I remember most about Albom, as I walked around the events with him, was that treated each nursing home resident with as much respect and enthusiasm as he has with professional athletes...perhaps even a bit more. I am not surprised that the man I met at this event is the man who authored TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE.

Dave, thanks for the tag. Unexpectedly, it brought back some great memories!

IF YOU ARE READING THIS, CONSIDER YOURSELF TAGGED!!!! :-)

One more thing...I wish someone would say this about me - "[She] did nothing by half measures and never considered failure as a possible outcome. " It is a quote from a work by my friend, Richard, that is still in progress.

CAN SOMEONE HELP ME UNDERSTAND?

More and more, I am seeing palm trees as stand alone Christmas decorations. I could see if they are placed by a nativity scene to more accurately reflect the plant life from the region where Jesus was born. But what is the significance of a stand alone palm tree? Can anyone help me out here?

Image taken from here.

TRADITION

"TRADITION!" I have had a number of conversations lately centered on traditions. Last night my daughter and I spent some time decorating one of our Christmas trees. There was alot of tradition tied up even in that. We buy a new ornament every year. Certain ornaments are the favorites and hold places of honor on the tree. The big tree gets the special flickering flame lights while the smaller tree gets the mini lights.

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Tradition(s) can bring comfort and joy and peace and hope. We have so many ornaments on the big tree. It "feels" beautiful. There are tons of memories. Some day, I will box up many of those ornaments and hand them off to my daughter for her own home and holiday traditions and she will know that there is love and a memory in each and every one. After we finished decorating, we turned off all the lights and just spent some time wrapped in the warmth emanating from our tree.

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Sometimes traditions can cause discomfort, pain, or really need to be discarded. As we were going through our ornaments last night, I came across several that were Kathy and Dan ornaments...the one from "1979 Our First Christmas" and the one with the picture taken a few years later and the handmade ones that boasted our union. But now there is Kathy and there is Dan. Through twinges, I wondered to myself why I hadn't boxed these up and set them aside for our daughter. She is the only one to whom these depictions of the "Kathy/Dan" period truly now belong.

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A few years back we were going through some very hard, dark times. I could not bring myself to put up all the Christmas decorations. So we put up our big tree and hung one, lone ornament on it. This ornament had a painting of sparrow with the scripture, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows." (Matthew 10:29-31) Funny, but that is one of my favorite Christmas memories...the year we were broken hearted and discouraged and the one bright beam of hope that shown through, like that one ornament standing out against an empty and stark Christmas tree...was that we were in the hands of an Almighty God who knew every hair on our heads and loved us. It was holy. And we were strengthened and comforted. I am so glad we departed from our traditional tree that year.

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I think so it goes with church. Some of our traditions I value because they transplant joy and hope and peace into the center of my heart. Some don't. Some can distract. Some can actually devalue our relationships, with each other and with our Christ. In the end, traditions are just that...traditions. I guess there is value in knowing which ones to keep and which ones to let go and even in starting new ones. But true wisdom lies in knowing that traditions are not Jesus. Jesus is Jesus.

Image taken from here.

AND GOD RESTED....

And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done. Genesis 2:2

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God, How do you rest? I mean, I cannot picture You working. I know You create things and do mighty things....like keep the whole world and universe spinning and intact....but what does work look like on You? I know what work looks like on me....sometimes grueling, sometimes tiring, sometimes intense, sometimes exhilarating. But what do You look like when You are working? And resting? What do You do to rest? Lay down? Put Your feet up? Close Your eyes? Keep very still? Day dream?

And the Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there he put the man whom he had formed. Genesis 2:8

And Lord, when You planted this garden...did You start it from seeds or did You speak it into existence? Did You dig holes for the plants and wipe the moist soil off Your hands onto what....overalls? Did You have a seed bag slung over one shoulder? Did You watch as the seedlings burst from the earth and grew into maturity? Did You rest under the shade of one of the trees You had planted?

then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature. Genesis 2:7

Now this...this I can understand. Because I remember when You breathed the breath of life into my spiritually dead life. I remember awakening and coming alive. I can remember the closeness of Your presence, Your very touch. And still now, those moments when Your breath, Your very Spirit, Your touch... fills my heart and mind and soul with echoes of that newness of life, renewing the deadened parts of me, and drawing me ever closer to You.

Image taken from here.

Being created in the image of God...well, now...that is just a gift!

PREJUDICE & STEROTYPES

I was just listening to the radio during my lunch. I heard it reported that there is something called "Black Dog Syndrome". More commonly known as BDS (this is said tongue in cheek), is the trend of humans to not adopt black dogs because they are stereotyped as mean, evil, and (seriously, this was also mentioned in the report) people don't like them because they don't photograph well with their children. Black dogs are 75% more likely to be euthanized in animal shelters than other-colored dogs. (No, I didn't check this out on Snopes)

Might seem silly at first, but on second thought, how sad that man's tendancy toward prejudice and stereotyping occurs so commonly and readily? Think about it.

Image taken from here.