I struggle with receiving. A couple nights ago, I was arguing with my daughter over how much money she could spend on me for Christmas. She pointed her finger in my face and laughingly said, "YOU can't tell ME how much of MY OWN money I can spend on YOU!" Then I caught myself. As I looked at her face and the sparkle in her eyes, she was absolutely radiant with joy at being able to give me gifts for Christmas that she knows I have been wanting. I thought "How is it that this kid loves me so darn much?" And I recieved the real gift she was giving, the love and devotion she has for her mom, that will be wrapped up in the presents I open on Christmas morning.
I have done this with God. Early on, I had a hard time receiving from Him because I knew I wasn't good enough, or smart enough, or a hundred other enoughs that I came up with. I guess I also thought of Him as this distant powerful being who wanted to rule over me and maybe even squash me, little bug that I was in His shadow. But I came to discover that, for some reason I can't quite figure out, God desires ME! I love this--"The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." (Zeph 3:17)
I have come to know that the same God who created my friend with the giving heart, who lit the sparkle in my daughter's eyes....laughs with joy over me, surrounds me with the loudest love songs. When I come into His presence I imagine the "A-ha! My Kathy is here!" look on His face. His displays of love make me speechless and breathless and I stand in awe at the wonder of it all.
So, for today...I recieve it all. I want it all. Friendship, a daughter's love, and the passion of an Almighty God that surpasses my ability to earn or fully understand. And I am humbled and grateful.