ARLENE

Please pray for my friend, Arlene.

My Refuge and My Fortress (Psalm 91)

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say to the Lord,
“My refuge and my fortress,my God, in whom I trust.”

For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side,ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

You will only look with your eyes
and see the recompense of the wicked.

Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place
—the Most High, who is my refuge —
no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
no plague come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
On their hands they will bear you up,
lest you strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the adder;
the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.

“Because he holds fast to me in love,
I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.
When he calls to me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

Image taken from here.

FOUR LITTLE WORDS

I was feeling especially stressed and down-hearted this morning. I stopped by my 7-11 this morning and the afternoon cashier was working. When he finished ringing up my order he said to me, for the first time..."Have a blessed day."

Have a blessed day.

It is amazing what those four little words can do, how they can affect a person.

Have a blessed day, my friends!

QUOTE OF THE DAY

" Lord, spare us the insidious ego deception that we love God when really we love being told that we love God. Forbid that our being thanked is the bottom of our joy, rather than Christ being praised." -- John Piper

Image taken from here.

THE PIT

Last night, while having dinner with some friends, I told this story about an associate pastor who was teaching a class on the "One Anothers" from scripture. I was really excited to take this class because the subject matter looked good and the associate pastor was new to our church so this gave me an opportunity to get to know him better. The class was excellent, he was a very good teacher, and I was really applying the materials....until....the one day he told us what he thought to be a very funny thing.

He told us with a great big smile (perhaps there was also a wink...kind of like you give to someone who knows the inside joke, but I really don't remember if there was an actual wink) "You know that time before services, when all the people are gathered in the vestibule and you get asked about fifty questions from fifty different people??? I call that THE PIT! yuk, yuk!!!!" Um, no one really laughed, you know, seeing we were all "pit" people in the class. And I was very careful after that to never, never, NEVER do anything but say hello and smile when I saw him before services.

So, this morning during my devotional time, when I read this line from Psalm 88, I had to laugh:

I am counted among those who go down to the pit...(Psalm 88:4a)

I guess that makes me a member of the pit crew and I know there is some invisible fire involved somewhere...somehow..... (wink, wink!!)

Image take from here.

ARLENE

And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. Revelations 21:6

Please remember to pray for my friend, Arlene.

Image taken from here.

REMEMBERING

This past Saturday, my daughter and I looked through her box of memorabilia. There were pictures, artwork, ribbons, awards, medals, schoolwork, etc. One story she had written in the 2nd grade had us laughing so loud that it brought people from another part of the house to find out what in the world was going on. We noticed things that we hadn't noticed when the items were being packed away like, in her early artwork there was a unique trend to use repetitive color patterns. I had not caught that until I looked at lots of pictures side by side. Other things we had completely forgotten until triggered by entries made in her books. A number of things we knew were also reinforced or confirmed. For example, it has become legend that my daughter would not go to sleep before 11 p.m. even as an infant. There it was...entry after entry..."Baby's bedtime: 11 p.m." "3 year old's bedtime: 11 p.m." "2nd grader's bedtime: 'well, she goes to bed at 8:30 but doesn't fall asleep until after 11!' " Or, the fact that I love my girl and she loves me. There were tons of notes from me to her and from her to me...simple notes..."I love you, Rachel" or "I love you, mommy".

I have a memory book that is sort of like my own book of psalms. It holds things God is speaking to my heart and things from my heart to His. It helps me remember things about our relationship that I would have forgotten unless triggered by some entry. Just this morning, I went to add something to my book and my eye caught a title "God's Answer Continued" from an April entry. I went back to read what my questions had been. They were full of anguish and sorrow. But four months later, as I reread my entry and His answers, I realized that He had answered every one of my questions. Not all right away. Some answers I didn't have clarity on until this morning really, once I connected the dots that He had been laying down for me.

I love revisiting the past with God. It fills me in the present. It gives me hope for the future.

image taken from here.

PRAYING FOR THE ENEMY

Yesterday, I had someone declare themselves to be my enemy. This is a rare position for me to be in. My first reaction was emotional. I felt wronged, and except for a few who I know would stand by me, very much alone. During the night I tossed and turned, until I remembered God's Word.....

Love Your Enemies (Luke 6)
27 “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 29 To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. 30 Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. 31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
32 “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. 35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. 36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

So, I began to pray for my enemy. Not for how my enemy had wronged me. But for my enemy's life. For my enemy's family. For the difficulties that my enemy is facing. I prayed long and I prayed hard.

I prayed as lovingly as I could for my enemy, not because I am good. I am not. I am less than good. I prayed because God is good. God is holy. God is righteous. And I love Him.

Today, I still struggle with unrest. Today, I am reminded that my response will teach those around me what I believe and not what I may preach. Today, I still feel that "aloneness" in the pit of my stomach. Today, I still have much to learn and change, much that still needs the redemptive power of a Mighty God.

But today, I continue to submit to One who is safe. One who sees the outcome, no matter how difficult that may be for me, who I know to be trustworthy. Today, I continue to pray for my enemy, as lovingly as I know how.



“When it comes time to die, make sure that all you have to do is die.” -- Jim Elliot (Martyr...it would be worth your time to Google him if you don't know anything about his life.)

Image taken from here.

OBEDIENCE

I asked, well probably more like ordered, my daughter to water my flowers this morning. See what God blessed her with for her obedience? The cutest little baby cottontail hopped right out from underneath some of the flowers she was watering! It made her day!

And Samuel said, “Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams." I Samuel 15:22

ARLENE

8 O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer;
give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah
9 Behold our shield, O God;
look on the face of your anointed!
(Psalm 84)

Please remember to pray for Arlene and family.

REMEMBERING 9/11

I didn't think I would still be so affected. It has been a number of years. But on my drive into work this morning, against the gray sky, I saw planes landing and planes taking off. Planes in the distance and low flying planes right overhead. And on the radio I heard the names of victims being read off...slowly and clearly...one by one. I sobbed.

My thoughts went back to the last verse of the Psalm I read this morning...."that they may know that you alone,whose name is the Lord,are the Most High over all the earth." (Psalm 83:18)

Whatever grief, whatever fear, whatever loss of innocence, however we, as a nation, as a people, as individuals, have been marked and changed....may it be that we know....THAT WE KNOW...that YOU ALONE, whose name is LORD, are the MOST HIGH over ALL the earth! Grant us this truth, through Your grace and Your Holy Spirit! Amen.

WHERE'S WALDO?

Whew! We are in the 2nd week of the largest team project my company has ever been involved in. Things are a bit slower for me this week so I decided to look through my emails...the ones that I have been skimming and neglecting to answer for the past several months. How could I have missed this one, sent to me by my sweet friend, Becky. Becky took this on a recent vacation. Can you figure out why she sent this to me????

Love you, Becky! I FINALLY got it!

MY KID

I must say, my daughter is one of my favorite people on earth. I love her creativity. I love when she laughs. I love how she sticks one foot out from under the covers when she sleeps. I love her sense of compassion. I love when she sits at the piano and plays for hours. I love her heart for God. I love our walks together. I love our late night talks. I love that she marches to the beat of a different drummer. I even love it when she rolls her eyes at me cuz I am being...well... a mom.

I am thankful. I am blessed.

YOU ARE KEEPING ME COMPANY

It is almost 9 p.m. I am still at work. Waiting until I can go home. Going home time is usually 5:30 or 6 p.m. In between working on problems, I have been reading your blogs. Some funny stuff. Some serious stuff. Some friends I know very well, others I have never met. But you all have shared something of yourself...a daughter's first day of school, an upcoming fundraising walk, an anniversary, plans to start a water aerobics class, insights on life and culture, prayer requests, spiritual stuff, hopes, dreams, new babies, trivial stuff, important stuff. I have enjoyed this time with you as I wait to get back to my daughter and "real life".

THANK YOU FOR KEEPING ME COMPANY!!!

WHAT IF....

What if I learned to depend* solely on God?

*Synonyms:
bank on*, bet on*, build upon, calculate on, confide in, gamble on*, lean on*, reckon on, rely upon, trust in, turn to, hang on, hinge on, rest, rest on, rest with, revolve around, revolve on, stand on, stay, trust to

How 'bout when I don't?

Antonyms:
disbelieve, distrust, not expect

READ THIS

http://cherylstreehouse.blogspot.com/ Check out the post "Traditional Church"

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"What if, when you get really old, you have a flashback of this and start befriending your furniture?"

Image taken from here.

FOR ARLENE

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

I read this scripture this morning and immediately thought of my friend, Arlene. If there has ever been a person who reflects this scripture, who has taken the comforts of God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ, and has poured those comforts into the lives of others...it is Arlene!

Please continue to pray for my friend!

Image taken from here.

LUVIN' U IS EZ CUZ YUR BEAUTIFUL

Today I read this:

"We love because he first loved us." I John 4:19

And all I could think of was.......how incredible it is that You love us...people....me? And because You looked to and fro among the things You created, and then cast Your eyes upon me...and pierced my heart and soul with Your love....how my heart bursts returning that love to You.

I love You...You are beautiful.

I love You...You are worthy.

I love You...because Your perfect love not only loved me first, but without it, I would never know what love is or should be. I would never know You. And I would be empty and hopeless and lost.

Instead....I am loved.

Image taken from here.

THINKING ON THE HAPPY

Having a rough, tiring, overwhelming day today, so I decided to think on a few happy things:

1. My daughter had her nose pierced and it looks very cute.
2. My friend, Kelly, sent me two pics today, one of her baby boy on his daddy's lap at the piano, and another of her pregnant and totally beautiful profile.
3. When I unpacked my new work laptop the other day, there was a pink breast cancer support key ring, and it made me think of my friend.
4. My mom's neighborhood had a block party on Saturday. I got to meet a lot of people who I wouldn't have met otherwise and also to visit with a few old friends.
5. Your blogs were fun, and interesting, and vulnerable, and....well, they feel kind of cozy to me. Hope that makes sense.
6. I got a secret message from a friend in an email that made me laugh.
7. God...thinking about God. He makes me feel happy.
8. The movie I watched last night...The Green Mile....it made me cry but I was glad I watched it.
9. I planted these yellow daisy like flowers, and they always look like they are smiling.
10. The rain. I like the rain.

IMAGE TAKEN FROM HERE.

NORMALIZING

Yesterday my alarm went off at 4 a.m. I had to leave for Grand Rapids by 6 a.m. I had to get myself ready, prepare my mom's meals, clothes, and medications for the days, take care of the pets, spend time reading and studying the Bible, and water the flowers outside before I left. I remember turning my alarm off. The next thing I knew...it as 5:49!!!

You know it! I scurried around. Woke my daughter up way too early to ask her to get some food, any food, prepared for my mom. I rushed off to work to meet my co-worker who I would be following out to our training sessions. I had to put my make-up on in the car...that was when I discovered that I had no mascara. Good thing I had some liquid eyeliner which had to double as mascara. Just as I started to relax a bit a had a funny feeling in my nose....oh, nooooo....couldn't be happening right now as we were speeding down the expressway.....holy cow, yes! A nose bleed. Luckily I had some napkins on the passenger seat so I could intervene before I showed up to my customer with nose bleed all over my blouse. I had to laugh at my morning, crazy and wild as it was, because I wondered how I must look to the other drivers with a napkin hanging out of my left nostril.

Despite my crazy morning, I think I am in the process of normalizing. When I looked up the word, normalizing had something to do with metallurgy or to resume a normal state. My mom, work, and a few other areas seem to be returning to a more manageable state.

There are two areas of my life that I am extremely excited about normalizing in. One is the area of people. I love people. I love to spend time with people. Like you bloggers. I can't tell you how hard it was for me to wonder how you all were, to pray for you not knowing what things you were thinking about or going through or laughing about. I've missed my daughter....just having time to laugh and hang out or sit late at night and just talk about this or that. And my friends and family...I feel like I have been scheduling them in...a few minutes here...a function there...without really getting to enjoy them because I was too tired or too busy.

The second area is with the Lord. I have been so tired, distracted, overwhelmed. I have slept through the alarm clock and missed my morning time with Him.....on several occasions. I have fallen asleep as soon as my head as hit the pillow, missing my nightly chit chat time...just the two of us...no devotions to get through, no lesson to study....just me enjoying being with Him in the still quiet of the night until I drifted off to sleep, breathing in His Spirit and His presence. This I have missed most of all, because it is where I find rest, rejuvenation and inspiration.

I think I am normalizing....and I am excited to be....back!

FOR ARLENE

"The potency of prayer hath subdued the strength of fire; it hath bridled the rage of lions, hushed anarchy to rest, extinguished wars, appeased the elements, expelled demons, burst the chains of death, expanded the gates of heaven, assuaged diseases, repelled frauds, rescued cities from destruction, stayed the sun in its course, and arrested the progress of the thunderbolt. Prayer is an all-sufficient panoply, a treasure undiminished, a mine which is never exhausted, a sky unobscured by the clouds, a heaven unruffled by the storm. It is the root, the fountain, the mother of a thousand blessings." - From the book "Walking from East to West", pg. 160.

Please pray for Arlene.

image taken from here.

Wrist Bands

A new employee I am training has been wearing a yellow wrist band. I asked her yesterday what it was for. Her dad died two years ago and it was to support a certain foundation related to his disease. I also learned that her uncle died almost a year to the day later and that since then, November has become a very difficult month for her. Had she not been wearing that wrist band, I may not have learned that about her.

The first time I ever saw one of those rubber wrist bands was years ago during the WWJD period. WWJD bracelets were everywhere....hoping to remind us to think about our actions in light of what Jesus would do in that same situation. I have a card on the wall in my office that is entitled...."Jesus in a Dilemma". There is a drawing of Christ looking at a rubber wrist band on His wrist that says, "What Would I Do?" It cracked me up when I bought it and still makes me smile.

I have only sported a rubber wrist band on one occasion...while my friends were in the process of adopting their children. The purple wrist bands we wore helped remind us to pray and pray we did. It was a tough process, a time of testing and questioning and wondering where God was and why He didn't jump in and fix things. Which as always, He did in His way and in His time and I have had the hugs and kisses from two beautiful children who call me "Aunt Kaki" to prove His faithfulness and graciousness.

My co-worker's wrist band has had me thinking. It seems there is a lot of pain, a lot heartache, a lot of hope, a lot of dreams represented in these simple rubber wrist bands that people wear. What if we all sported these wrist bands representing what we were going through in life at the time? I mean, we could just look at a person's arm and know how to pray for them, how to support them. Or how to judge them. I thought of a few things that I would not want to display on my rubber wrist band for the world to see. Or another problem would be the sheer volume a few of us would need to cover all the areas we were struggling through. And, I think it would become easy for us to ignore them. After all, we have busy lives, limited resources....we can't fix all the problems in the world. Can we?

I would never, ever make fun of these wrist bands. Like I said...they represent a lot to the people who wear them and I want to be sensitive and respectful of that. And I really don't believe that wearing wrist bands that state one's cares is the only way to identify the need. I believe the signs are everywhere....in the eyes, the smile (or lack of), in the voice, the sag in one's shoulders...and I believe that God's Holy Spirit directs us to those we have been chosen to come alongside. I think I will continue to watch for wrist bands and more importantly, listen for the voice that directs me. Now, if I can just work on obedience!!!!!

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"A flick is NOT a flip...there IS a difference!!" - Rachel Mc

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"I'm slowing down to 80!"

I said this to my daughter as we were flying out to Grand Rapids this weekend. We were late for a 25th Wedding Anniversary Party. We had been stuck in 3 different construction areas. It occurred to me that this is how life has been lately. Been rushing and then hitting "stop and go" traffic. The good thing is that things are "slowing down to 80" for me.

I have to say that I miss you all. I miss reading about your lives. I miss feeling like you are a part of mine. My committment is to get back online at least 4 times a week.

Lastly, thank you for praying for my daughter's friend. She (and her friend) are recovering nicely from the transplant. They appreciated your prayers.

Love you all. Going to check out your blogs now!!

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST

My daughter has two sisters and their children from our old church that she is very close to and loves very much. One of the sisters has less than 10% kidney function and is scheduled to receive a donor kidney this Friday. Without it, she will die. Please pray for both this woman and her friend, who is the donor. Thanks so much!

SO, THIS IS WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON....

Thanks everyone for your continued prayers and encouragement.

We have kind of gotten our routine down. Every morning, I get my mom up and going. She needs assistance w/ her toileting. We have her wear a diaper now. I have to help her get dressed b/c she can't figure out how to get her clothes on and off. She wants to be waited on and I know she gets mad when I make her do things for herself. Or, if we don't respond to her requests quickly enough. Part of me wishes I could take the phone away from her. She makes all these weird calls. One day, she called the phone company to see if I changed her phone number and address while she was in the nursing home. When she gets a recording she talks to the recording like it was a real person..."Okay, I am going to press 3...alright, I just pressed the number". Some stuff is funny and makes us laugh. Some stuff has me worried. I came home the other day to find that she had a couple of blisters on her index finger. I checked and there was nothing on the stove, the microwave was unplugged just as I left it...then I noticed the coffee. I forgot to pour her coffee into a cup before I left in the morning. I am sure she tried to reach for it and burned her finger. Yesterday, I had pulled a couple hamburger patties out of the freezer to make for her dinner. When I went to cook them, they were gone. I asked her where they were. She had eaten the raw patties. In the nursing home, she complained that they gave her too much food. At home, she eats constantly. I make her breakfast, she gets "Meals on Wheels", I leave out a couple snacks (fruit, popcorn, granola bars) and she has it all eaten before lunchtime. We are learning to not argue with her or try to reason with her if at all possible. Sometimes she knows she sounds looney. Other times, she thinks we are crazy and unreasonable and even mean.

As hard as this is for me, I know it is more difficult for her. She was always an independent person. She is often aware that she is becoming disoriented. She is living in her own home but her choices and issues related to self-determination are being whittled away, faster and faster. She is the parent who gets told what to do and when, by her children. Her home and life have been invaded. She can't be trusted to spend her own money and I only leave her with a few dollars at a time.

Yesterday, I cried. I was just feeling overwhelmed and the pressure of never being caught up with her needs, of the craziness of some of her behaviors, of being pulled and pressed on every front. So, I rested. And have more strength for this new day.

On another front, I am taking an actual lunch today!!! And I am planning on trying to get caught up on your lives and read your blogs. Whoo hoo!

Also, my wonderful, beautiful, loving, fun, intelligent, musical daughter turned 17 years old last week!

Ok, here I go to read your blogs........................

COMING HOME

My mom is coming home tomorrow. I am not ready. I still have some things to get in order. I still have to prepare myself mentally for the challenge of caring for her. Good thing I am not relying on my own strength.

The name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous run to it and are safe. Proverbs 18:10

ARLENE DAY

Following the lead of some of the rest of my blogger family, Wednesdays are "Arlene Day", a day to pray and fast and seek God on her behalf (and her husband's).

UNLEASHED

I have been waiting for weeks for this special time with You. It may be a concert to some, but to me it will be so much more. I am waiting to raise my hands to You. I am waiting to sing my heart out to You. I am waiting to dance before You. I am waiting to give You my love and my praise and my adoration. I am waiting to meet You there. And I know it will be totally unleashed!

image taken from here.

THE NURSING HOME RESIDENT

My mom has been in a nursing home for rehab since the beginning of April. She has been in and out in the past recovering from some thing or another. This is the first time we weren't sure she would be coming home. Even now, we are not sure that she should be coming home, but I want to try at least one more time. Things might not work out.

This morning I stopped in to drop off her laundry. During my visits, I have noticed that she is looking more and more like a nursing home resident and less and less like my mom. She has periodic episodes of confusion and forgetfulness. She tests out as mildly to moderately disoriented. She is having more trouble recalling words and expressing herself. We have had to keep her microwave at home unplugged for a while now because she keeps setting things on fire. So, when I stopped in, I mentioned that I was getting things ready for her to come home in a week or two....she has new windows on her house, flowers in the front, freshly painted and tiled bathroom. She looked up at me from her wheelchair, her blue blue eyes filling with tears, and she started to cry. "I am? I am coming home? I get to see the kids and my cat?" It broke my heart.

I have been wondering if I was doing the right thing. She has alot of friends at the nursing home and stays pretty busy during the day. She has all the help she needs. She has no chance to burn something in the microwave. It would be easier for all of us. But this morning I knew....one more time, maybe only one day or one week...who knows how long we can manage...but one more time to come home and see her cat and her house and her things before she is consigned to becoming a nursing home resident.

QUICK UPDATES

• I am using my own office for the first time in a couple of weeks. I just went to look something up on my desk calender and it was set on May 31st! This week I believe things will be almost back to normal.
• My daughter talked to her dad yesterday for Father's Day. He and his wife went to church, perhaps the first time the two of them have been to church together! For those of you who have been praying....thanks...and keep it up. Who knows what God may have in store!!!

ketchup day

we are having new windows put in at my mom's house today....so i brought some work to do at home, on the computer, while they are going in. my plan is also to get to all your blogs and see what has been going on. i have missed you all!

Image taken from here.

I LOVE MY JOB

Image take from here.

I love my job. You guys, I really do. I can't even begin to name all the benefits, but here are a few:

• I work with some of my closest friends.
• I can talk to my daughter online all day.
• I am continually challenged to learn something new.
• My boss not only appreciates, but expects and empowers you to make decisions for the better of the company.
• There are people everywhere-customers I talk to on the phone, associates coming through the office throughout the day,-new people all the time.
• Things rarely get boring. My boss is always onto a new venture, a new project.
• There are a few difficult people and I have learned to grow and mature spiritually because, and sometimes in spite, of them.
• It has been a safe haven for me during the past five years of divorce and recovery.
• When I work hard, it is noticed and rewarded.
• Two awesome kids come to work with their mom a couple times a week and just their sounds-their voices, their laughter, running feet-put an instantaneous joy in my heart.

I am grateful, I am thankful, I am blessed.

I'M IN THERE SOMEWHERE

hey all! things at work have been unusually busy. i haven't even had time to read any blogs. if there is something i need to know, or someone to be praying for...plz email me. i will read them but may not have a chance to reply for another week. i have been praying for you, my blogville friends and family.

hoping things slow down by next week. and in those famous words....."i'll be back!"

image taken from here

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"I could be a massage lush..."

said by my friend after he and his wife had a spa weekend.

Image taken from here.

WHAT I REALLY WANT

Thanks everyone - so, so much for your support, and kindness, and prayers, and laughter. Now we have recorded evidence that I can lose my temper. And yes, we are doing better. And the sun shines brighter today than it did yesterday.

I knew that I would be writing you today, asking you to pray for my ex-husband, because I believe in redemption. I believe that the hardest heart can be redeemed by Jesus Christ. Mine has and continues to be.

Today I was reading the following:

And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. 2 Timothy 2:24-26

And God's Word, as always, got right to the heart of the matter. What I really want is not for my ex-husband to be a good dad. What I really want for this man is redemption. I want him to bow his heart and fully submit to a Just and Holy God. I want him to feel the embrace of his Savior and the warmth of that love between the created and the Creator. I want his heart to burn with desire for fellowship and intimacy with the Beautiful One.

What I really want is for you to pray with me, that God may perhaps grant him repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, that God would rescue him from the snare of the devil, and that he would come to his senses...and know that he is gloriously captured and that he would be captivated by Jesus our Christ.

Image taken from here.

BROKEN HEARTS

This morning I asked 7-11 Sam how her kids enjoyed their camping trip with their dad. Their dad never came and picked them up. He was on the phone with his son an hour before he was scheduled to arrive and assured his son he was on his way. This sweet little boy sat on the curb waiting for his dad all afternoon. This dad never showed.

This afternoon, my daughter went to lunch with her grandmother, my ex-husband's mother. She texted me to tell me that she just found out that her dad recently went to France. (His new wife's daughter and grandchild live in France.) I haven't talked to her yet, but I know my daughter is devastated. Her dad never calls her. He left the freakin' country and never told her. He visited a country that she dreams of visiting and never told her.

I am out in dispatch and trying to hold back the tears. I switch between finding it hard to breathe and wanting to throw up...I am so so soooo angry. Because he does this over and over. And I have to stand here and watch it happen. I can't protect her from this.

I know she has me and I am a great mom. I know that God is going to use this for good in her life and make something wonderful out of it. I know that she will survive. I know that when I see her in a little while, I will love her and point her back to Jesus. And she will continue to love and forgive her dad.

But for right now...I want to fight. I want to take him down. I want to make him a better dad. I want to hold him accountable for every tear he has made her cry.

Image taken from here.

THE DIA

We had so much fun at the DIA today. Now, I am not an art aficionado but some of the paintings were incredible. My new favorite artist (as of today)...George C. Lambdin is renown for his paintings of roses. We kept bumping into a couple of art snobs...oh my gosh, they were so pretentious and it made me fall in love with them. They were making all the right comments about the sculptures or paintings. I, on the other hand, was making stuff up and cracking jokes. There were some portraits that were amazing...the detail and the life the artist was able to capture....there were a few that we were sure were going to get up and walk right out of the paintings!

But the most wonderful thing I saw was as we were leaving. We were standing by the front doors, getting ready to head out into the pouring rain. People were coming in shaking the rain off, and others were huddled getting ready to start into the museum, still others were making mad dashes out the doors in their vain attempts to ward of the raindrops. I noticed a couple a bit off to my right. They were older, ordinary. The man was arranging a jacket around the shoulders and head of the woman, I assumed to keep her dry when they walked out. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but I could tell it was tender. And she stood there, arms at her side just looking up at him. I couldn't help but stare as we made our way past. And the look in their eyes, him looking down into her face and her, looking up with complete adoration....an intimate moment caught in time....it was breathtakingly beautiful!

Google George C. Lambdin to see more of his works!

MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND

I am really looking forward to an extended weekend. Tonight I am getting together with my close friends...my family really. We have been taking a look at what God says about character. One of my friends is bringing me some lilacs. I have lilac bushes at my house (that I am still renting out) and I was kind of sad the other day because I thought I missed lilacs this year...I used to fill my house and my office with them. Anyhow, I love these people and I can't wait to spend some time with them.

Tomorrow or Sunday, I am taking my daughter to the DIA. She doesn't know it yet, but I have been promising to take her for months and months and have never fit it into the schedule. I just found out it will be closing for 7 months or so....I just have to make this happen. I will probably work on the yard at my mom's house, go to the nursing home to visit her, and work on the bathroom...I have started taking down the wallpaper...ugh, big project. Sunday afternoon, MakeNew meets and we usually have a meal together.

I am hoping to keep Monday kind of quiet...maybe watch an old movie or two and relax a bit.

The other thing I am planning on doing is spending some time in prayer for our troops.

Image taken from here.

OH YEAH!

8 p.m. tonite! me and my girl...not as good as the LOTR trilogy...but still looking forward to it!

Image taken from here.

PRAYER FOR MY PASTOR

Hi Lord,

I would like to ask You for a few things for my pastor.

Will You give him a joyful heart, filled with laughter and the wonder of You?

Will You keep his family safe and healthy and strong?

Will You surround him with great men who are supportive, and wise, and who love You like nothing else?

Will You enforce the vision You have placed on his heart, so he is sure of the way he is headed?

Will Your Spirit come upon him and anoint him in a tangible and mighty way?

Will You give him rest in the middle of this difficult thing called church planting?

Will You open Your word to his heart and mind so he is illuminated with the truth it holds?

Will You form him into an awesome leader, who points the rest of us to You?

Will You keep him pure and guide him through the things that would distract him or pull him from You?

Will You make sure he never has to wear a funny hat to fulfill his service and duty to You?

Thank You (especially for the hat thing...wink). I love You.

Kathy

Image taken from here.

DIFFERENT STROKES

i was thinking about a concert my daughter, some friends, and i will be going to in a few weeks. i will lift my arms up and sing and shout and throw my self totally into the experience.

/

my daughter will stand, probably with arms folded, watching, quiet, not uttering a sound while she totally throws herself into the experience.

/

and we will both have a great time. and we will both come away rejoicing in our Rescuer, Jesus! and both of our hearts will be glad and overflowing. i can't wait!

/

Image taken from here.

ANGER OVERLOAD

I have never had so many people angry at me at one time as I have had in the past couple of weeks. There have been family issues, work issues...to be honest...there have been issues on just about every front.

I have also had a few people ask me recently if I was angry about something when I wasn't. So, it got me to thinking. I am not always aware of how I come across. When I am overwhelmed, or burdened, or worried, or afraid...I think I can appear angry when in reality, my mind is totally somewhere else. The other thing that happens is that I am not as careful towards others as I normally am.

Another side of the coin is that sometimes, I am angry...really angry. Last week one person in our office was not helping out when we were in a bit of a crisis...you know those "all hands on deck" kind of times. I thought about asking someone else to say something to this person. I figured that wouldn't be fair, so I bit the bullet and told the person to get to work. Later, that person posted something that made me mad every time I saw it. I could feel my temperature rising....my eyes going back to the passive-aggressive message every few minutes. I thought of a hundred smart-aleck responses and even started to type a few in response. I finally closed myself in my office and just begged God to bring my heart to a place of repentance. I posted the name of Jesus right next to the other person's post...so that my eyes would be drawn to His name instead of the other.

The old me would have struck back and struck hard. I grew up with three brothers and I lived with an angry man for 23 years. I know how to throw down. And I have. And there have been times when I know I have brought shame to the name of my Lord with my angry behavior. Nowadays, I recognize that there are other things more important than being right, or being the strongest, or winning.

So, I have been spending the past few days rebuilding. There was the phone call to a co-worker who was rude to me because he thought I was being rude to him. I called him and said I was sorry for anything in my tone that may have given him the impression that I was being rude. We ended up laughing together and he worked harder on the next project I needed him for than he would have the day before. There was a visit to a family member who had gossiped about me and judged me unfairly. I just tried to be as friendly and loving as I could. The jury is still out on this one, but at least there remains an open door between us. This weekend there was another family member who I had inadvertently offended when I disagreed on a position that I thought was benign. I dropped in to tell that person that I loved her and was sorry that I had hurt her and promised I would be more careful going forward. Her smile was a mile wide when we parted.

I am trying to be more careful with my interactions with others, to be watchful of the climate we find ourselves in, to keep myself in the present and not let distractions make me appear uncaring or unloving.

Image taken from here.

CYPERSPACE

Yesterday, I had an email pop up in my in box that had been sent to me in March. Two months later...here it is. It got me to wondering....where was it all this time? Just floating around in cyberspace? What is cyberspace? Binary language? How does the simplicity of two symbols produce this vast galaxy of information and communication?

Prayer is like this for me. It is so simple yet so beyond my comprehension and understanding. I cannot explain prayer.

Images taken from here and here.

THE UNEXPECTED

Today has not gone at all as planned. I had planned to stop in at the nursing home to see my mom before work. Didn't happen.

I walked in the door at work and the things I had planned to accomplish today are still undone. After over 6 hours of being here, I am just now able to slow down and take a breather. In the middle of the stress of the day, I reminded a couple of people, as well as my own self, that things are in God's hands.

Tonight, I was planning to do something, but then was told that I didn't need to, and then today was told that I did need to. Of course, I had already made other plans. Expected plans cancelled have now become another dip in today's unexpected.

Last night I was asking God about some areas of uncertainty in my family's life. In the middle of the craziness of the day, I hear Him reminding me that my unexpected, is not at all unexpected to Him.

And I find peace. Close to Him.

But for me it is good to be near God;I have made the Lord God my refuge,that I may tell of all your works. Psalm 73:28

Image taken from here.

MY MOTHER'S DAY

I had a full day ahead of me but I got to spend a few minutes reading a new book my friend, Tracey, got me. It's about William Wilberforce and I am finding it absolutely fascinating. In fact, it is making me want to read more about him and by him.

My daughter woke up and came in to give me a huge hug. The card she got me made me cry. It had a quote from "Winne the Pooh" that in it's simplicity, spoke profoundly about the depth of relationship between Pooh and Christopher Robin. I love that she picked that card out. I also cried because I am sure my backside looks alot like Pooh's...lol.

We hit the road early to go out to Lansing to see our friends and their new son. My daughter plugged in her Ipod and played all the songs that she has downloaded just for me, or songs that she thought I would like to hear. How wonderful is it that my kid has songs on her Ipod for her mom? That is a gift in itself.

When we got to Trinity Church I had to visit the Ladies' Room because I drank a diet coke on the way there. (This fact will be important later.) Rachel and I found some seats and when my friend Alan came out to get ready for the service...I bounded up to the stage to say hello and let him know we were there. I really enjoyed the musical part of the service. I love singing when Alan is leading...he is gifted and his leadership in this area moves me to praise my God with my voice and my heart. During the offering, a 91 year old great, great grandmother played a melody of hymns, including one of my all time favorites, "In the Garden". She was blind. She played beautifully. She glorified God in her playing. I wanted to give her the biggest hug but settled on joining the rest of the congregation in giving her a standing ovation. I wondered what I will be like should God favor me with 91 years?!

After the service, I was standing in the very crowded gathering area. I was laughing and talking with the Cullens, as well as another young family that I deeply love. I can be pretty animated. It was when I reached over to give one of these young mom's a Mother's Day hug that my daughter's eyebrows went up and she said, "Um, mom....." She kind of pointed and I thought maybe I had something on my jacket or blouse. I looked at her but she was pointing lower...um lower than I would have liked. (Remember that trip to the bathroom?) Yep, my zipper was unzipped! And since my pants were a light, gauzy linen, I couldn't perform the one handed zip up! I decided to hold my purse in a strategically placed position until I could correct matters in a more private location. My mind did flash back to my visit to the front of the church to say hello to Alan before the service started. I thought all those smiling faces were people just being friendly! I got an email from Kelly this morning that had me laughing about this all over again.

Later in the afternoon, we met with some other friends for some talk, some dinner, and a bit of laughter when I opened a bottle of pop after I had dropped it. There are a few young mom's and expecting mom's who are becoming very dear to my heart and I was happy that I got to spend part of my Mother's Day with them.

We made it home in time to watch the Survivor finale. Rachel and I watched it together...watching us watch this show would be like watching fans at a sporting event. There is plenty of jumping up and down, shouting at the screen, and high-fiving that goes on!

Just a simple day. But I would live it over again!

Image taken from here.

MY 7-ELEVEN

So, I haven't seen Robert for many, many months. Neither has 7-11 Sam. She said he doesn't come in any more. This morning when I stopped for my coke, there was a new guy digging through the trash for bottles. I took him a few bottles and he said, "Thanks, this will help shorten my day!" If I see him around again, I will find out his name....and see if he needs shoes (wink)...but for now I will refer to him as "Bottle Guy".

The owner's wife and I were walking into the building together. She has a beautiful smile and is always so happy and welcoming. Her husband is not so smiley...but I have learned that he is just as nice as she is...he just doesn't let it show as much.

Sam is doing well, although her son is having behavior problems again. She is getting called to his school on a regular basis.

When I was at the counter paying for my coke, there was a woman who was trying to pay for some gas that she had already pumped, using a gift card. The card was $2 short. I could hear the panic in her voice because she didn't have it...she was pleading with the owner to let her go find an ATM or go home and come back. She almost started to cry. Gosh, there have been so many times I have felt the same way...short on cash and trying to figure out how I was going to pay a bill. I had exactly $2 in my wallet and it was easy to hand it over because I have been rescued time after time after time. She gave me a hug and did cry. I understood her tears. I told her to consider it a gift from her God.

I have come to really love my little 7-11 family...the ones I no longer see and truly miss, the ones I see every morning, and the new ones I am just getting to know.

GABRIEL

Please be praying for Gabriel. He is just about 2 months old and is having surgery tomorrow to remove a cyst from his intestines.

QUOTES OF THE DAY

My daughter got to come with me on my business trip. We had some interesting conversations, resulting in two "Quotes of the Day":

"Aaaahhhhh....Awaken your mind and focus your attention as my arm extends to point out an item of interest over toward the west!" -How we imagined Sir Walter Scott might say "Look over there!"

"Dang, my uterus fell out again...Not a good day!" -A cow story from All Creatures Great & Small triggered a conversation on prolapsed uterus's.

Image taken from here.

update

hey everyone,

i was out of town on business and caught up in a crazy week last week, so i have just finished reading all your blogs and figured i would give you a quick update:

-thanks for all your prayers. God has really given me some answers and a sense of peace in the area that i was seeking Him in. He brought the story of joseph to my mind...specifically, "what [was] meant for evil, God meant for good".

-thanks for the prayers for my sister-in-law. they hadn't told anyone else in the family, but she was being checked for cancer. biopsies are in and there is no evidence of cancer!

-happy belated birthday to my friend, Max!!

i hope to be back on the regular blog circuit from here on out!

take care,
kaymc

PLEASE BE PRAYING

A post or so ago I mentioned that my brother Mike is one person who always helps me out, who is always there for me when I need a friend or some kind of help.

Well, Mike and I have been calling back and forth since last Friday evening. Please be praying for a family member. I will tell you more next week.

Thanks, both he and I appreciate your prayers.