VOTING

Remember the old voting booths? You would walk into a small booth, the curtain would automatically close behind you, and then you would flip the lever next to your candidate's name?

Image taken from here.

RENEWING VOWS - PART 2

(In this pic Matthew, Tracey, Pastor Rob, Kyle, Michael)

I love weddings. It is always an honor to be invited to join the celebration as people you care about cross that portal from singleness into marriage. Being invited to share in the celebration of renewed marriage vows takes on a whole different level of special. There is something wondrous about witnessing couples who have lived the day to day of married life and say "I still choose you."

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I have been to several vow renewals, each one a cherished memory. I remember sitting with my friend, Carole, in a salon as she was getting her hair done. She was surprising her husband. He thought he was officiating as my husband and I renewed our vows. I sat in the chair next to her as the hairdresser was styling her hair into a beautiful updo. I was transfixed as I watched her transforming from my dear friend, into a beautiful bride. I thought I had never seen her lovelier, until I saw her standing across from her adoring husband, a total expression of love and devotion radiating from her face. Breathtaking!

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My sister-friend Tracey (that's her and her family in the photo above) can "out Martha" Martha Stewart. I have seen her fashion beautiful roses from toilet paper (during a shower game!) She always adds these incredible touches to anything she decorates. I was sitting at a ministry meeting waiting to head out to my friends' house for their vow renewal. My cell rang and it was Tracey. "Can you come. I need you right now." I don't even remember if I said goodbye as I sprang from that room to go help my friend. Remembering that moment reminded me of how much I love this friend and how often she has come to my rescue. Tracey looked stunning. Again, she was transformed from my dear friend, into this beautiful bride. Her home was perfectly decorated, all these touches of flowers in just the right places around the rooms. I recall how much she had put in to this event, wanting everything to be special and beautiful and romantic as she looked in to her husband-groom's face and said "I still do!" Kyle choked up as he said his vows and I loved him for loving my friend so much that the thought of their union evoked such emotion.

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This summer, one of my favorite couples, Amy and Craig, will be renewing their vows. Everyone can see how they love each other, how they take care of each other. A family with two children now, they haven't lost that sparkle in their relationship. I cannot wait!

SAME KIND OF DIFFERENT AS ME

I read this book last week. Started it one day and finished it the next. It isn't a long read, however, it will keep you thinking long after you have turned the last page.

Have you ever wondered if one man could make a difference in the life of another? The authors answer this question as they lay out their lives and relationship in a very honest, intimate and vulnerable way.

As they changed each others lives, they will now change their readers lives. Only the hardest and coldest of hearts can read this and not be touched.

INTRODUCING....(DRUM ROLL PLEASE!)........

I wanted to introduce you to my friend, Venetia. The first time I saw her, at church, I thought she seemed like a beautiful person, graceful with a sweet, kind face. Now that I have gotten to know her, I can definately say....she is a beautiful young mom and as sweet and kind as she appears! She has a lovely family. She loves Jesus. And I am glad to count her as a friend!

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Please stop by her blog and say hello. I told her how wonderful bloggervillites are!

EMPTY HOUSE

In December, we had to get our house ready for a new renter. We hadn't been in it for several years. Rachel and I wandered around the empty rooms. Some things changed. Rooms were painted different colors. My bedroom had been turned into two for our previous renters. It felt different somehow.

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Some things were the same. We were joyously surprised to find a note I had painted in the closet in Rachel's room still intact. Memories came flooding back as we went from room to room. Somehow it felt the same.

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I have talked to two different people within the past week about blogging. One special long time friend told me she occassionally stops by to see if I have posted. One special brand new friend and I are going to encourage each other to blog regularly.

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When I first logged on today....it felt kind of strange. Changed. Different. Empty.

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Then I thought about the joy that bloggers and blogging have given me. As I remembered the laughs, the wisdom, the prayers and the fears that have been shared together on our blogs, those familiar warm feelings crept right back into my heart.

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Like my house, it is not empty where there are memories, where friendship is shared, where faith is proclaimed, and where love can be found!

THE EXPERIMENT-WHAT IF?

Leading Up to Day One: Last Tuesday, Rachel and I started our day by visiting Harvest Loves, the brand new, not even opened yet, food ministry at our church, Harvest Bible Chapel. On our ride home, we were talking about the difficulties of food ministry and how necessary they are to the people who depend on them. I shared with her some of the hard times her dad and I experienced early in our marriage-trying to pay a mortgage, my college tuition, and meet our day to day needs. At one point, her dad was laid off. When I would grocery shop, I often had to make the decision whether to buy shampoo or a loaf of bread.

Last year, when our church had a food drive, we took our grocery money and bought food for the drive instead of for ourselves. It felt good. And the truth is we had plenty of food in the freezer and cupboards to stretch over the next week. While we talked about that, the seed of THE EXPERIMENT was planted. WHAT IF we had to eat on only a few dollars a day? How tough would that be? Could we even do it? What would you eat? What could you afford? Where could you shop? WHAT IF we tried this and then gave the rest of the money we would have normally spent on a week’s worth of groceries to Harvest Loves?

Later that night we joined our friends to meet with the pastor from Blessed Hope Church. Since our mission trip, we have all felt that God has something “next” for us to do together. Talking to Pastor Gary was part of our exploration, looking for God’s direction. Blessed Hope is a church, a food kitchen, food pantry, and so much more! Pastor Gary shared with us the changes that he’s seen in this economy. He is seeing more people, especially more families with children, needing a meal and groceries. We listened to the stories and met some of the people.

This second visit solidified it for us. We would try THE EXPERIMENT. We would start on Saturday, August 29th and eat on only $2.00/day per person. That meant we had $28.00 to spend between us for the week. And, we couldn’t use any groceries, condiments, etc. that we already had at home.

The Night Before: The rest of the week we talked, and sometimes argued about where we would shop. I wanted to make sure we got some fresh produce for the week. Rachel didn’t think we would be able to afford it. We agreed to shop at the Dollar Store and if there was any money left, we could buy some produce.

After a busy day, I picked Rachel up so we could shop. We had to work really hard to try to come up with 3 meals a day and not go over budget. We put stuff in our cart and then later, had to put it back on the shelf. I wanted to go for frozen veggies since I don’t like canned. In the end, we opted for canned fruit over ANY veggies. I wondered what the people around us were thinking as we discussed whether we could get enough meals out of the boxed cereal or the breakfast fruit bars.

In the end, we purchased:
2 boxes of pancake mix (can be made with water & meant we didn’t have to buy milk)
14 chinese noodle meals
1 box of spaghetti
1 can of spaghetti sauce
2 packages of hot dogs
2 packages of hot dog buns
1 can of mixed fruit
2 four-paks of apple sauce

When we went to check out, I had forgotten that food items are not taxed. So we ended up with an extra $3.oo It was a blessing and we decided to purchase a pack of gum each. It also hit me-I didn’t plan on caffeine for the week.

WHAT IF you had to do this week after week? WHAT IF you had kids in school and needed to make sure they had a healthy diet? WHAT IF you had an extra $3.00 at the end of your grocery shopping and felt like you just won the lottery?

Day One: Our first day is behind us. We discovered that the boxes of pancake mix will produce 2 ¼ pancakes a person for our breakfasts. Not very tasty but filling. Sure wish we had bought some jam or peanut butter to put on them! I tried not to let batter drip down the side of the mixing bowl. I estimated that we lost about a ¼ pancake. Normally, I wouldn’t have paid any attention, but with having so little to work with, I didn’t want to waste anything. I flashed back to when we were in Guatemala. We threw an ice cream social for the kids at one orphanage. I went to serve a group of girls and one of the cartons of ice cream was totally melted…chocolate soup. I was going to throw it away until one of our interpreters stopped me. She was shocked that I would waste it and made sure I finished serving that gallon before I opened another. At home, that would have been garbage. I wouldn’t have thought twice about dumping it. Now, for the first time, I realized how important every drop can be when you don’t have a lot to start with.

We ran a bunch of errands later in the day, one of them taking us to Gordon Food Service. As we walked in, a woman asked us if we wanted samples. Did we? We were served a small piece of pretzel bread with a chicken cheese dip and a small bit of BBQ chips. Nice surprise! It felt like a whole meal! We decided to skip our day’s half cup of canned fruit since we had this extra blessing and save it for another day when we might be struggling.

WHAT IF we had to do this for longer than a week? WHAT IF this was our life? WHAT IF I was less wasteful with food, with spending, with my time? WHAT IF I gave that extra away?

Day Two: I ended up driving Rachel to work before I left for Kalamazoo to attend Jeremiah’s baptism. On the way, I asked Rachel if she would go to the family night at church with me. And then I realized…yikes, each family is supposed to bring some BBQ meat and a side dish to pass. I told Rachel that I know church is the one place I should be able to go and not worry about bringing something, but I don’t know the people there too well yet and I would be embarrassed to show up empty handed and then fill our plates. We did have to laugh when I suggested it would be pretty hysterical if we showed up with anything from this week’s food stock. “Pancake, anyone?!!”

I told Rachel that the Cook’s church was going to serve a light lunch at the baptism. I asked her to guess what they were serving. Hot dogs? Yep! Going through the line, I picked a bag of Doritos because I know Rachel likes them and I wanted to surprise her with a treat. Vicki was deciding whether or not to get anything to eat, so I asked if I could have her bag of chips. Both Vicki and Darryl gave me their chips. Earlier, when I stopped by Rob’s office, he had bowls of candy and snacks on his end tables. I asked if I could help myself and of course, he said yes. I picked out 2 small packages of trail mix to bring to Rachel. Rachel’s boss ended up giving her some left over pizza. We each had a couple of pieces and still have some for tomorrow. Ok, so we now have a stash of pizza, trail mix, and chips!

Before we left this morning, our dog Sparky was not doing well at all. We had to carry him outside and then his legs kept buckling. When we brought him in, he drank some water but wouldn’t eat any of his food. I got one of the hot dogs to see if he would eat something. I wondered if I would have been so willing to give him part of my food ration for the day if I wasn’t going to be having a hot dog at church later?

We both went to bed a little hungry last night. Same tonight. Nothing unmanageable. We are drinking a lot of water trying to offset that.

WHAT IF we had to go to bed hungry every night, with no end in sight? WHAT IF we couldn’t afford to feed our dog? WHAT IF we had to avoid parties and get-togethers because we couldn’t afford to bring something or pay for a meal? WHAT IF I had to tell my child, eat something here because there’s nothing at home?

Day 3: Today was my first day at work since we started THE EXPERIMENT. Right off the bat, I announced to my co-workers that I would be grateful to anyone who bought me a diet coke this week and yes, I was shamelessly begging…lol. It wasn’t long before I found a nice cold bottle sitting on my desk! My announcement stirred a lot of discussion and guessing. We all had some fun with it. The cool thing is that I know they are people who would really help me out if I was in a bind or tough spot. I am blessed.

After work, Rachel and I sat down to our dinner of two hot dogs. While we talked through “dinner” we were surprised to discover that neither of us wanted to eat anything from the stash of goodies we picked up yesterday. We both were actually afraid that if we ate a bag of chips, then we wouldn’t have anything if we got really hungry one day. So, we agreed to hoard them. Funny that a few bags of chips and a couple packages of trail mix represented wealth to us in a way they never had before. We thought of a community center we had visited in Guatemala. We had a ton of left over candy and gave that out to the kids. They just pulled out their shirts to hold their loot. We wondered now, if they felt like we do today.

I am finding that I am more emotional than usual. Yesterday, I was thinking about all the moms around the world that have to watch their children go hungry, some to even die of starvation. How do you even bear something like that? I wept. But my tears must move me to action, yes? Otherwise, they are wasted.

WHAT IF it was my child crying herself to sleep from hunger? WHAT IF there was something I could do, was supposed to do, that could help even one child, one mom, one family? WHAT IF I cared enough to find out?

Day Four: We thought things might get hard by today, but we didn’t expect to feel as hungry as we do. Both Rachel and I thought our bodies would adjust. We just thought we would be sick of the menu. But we have been sooo hungry today.

Last night, I had so much trouble sleeping. Hunger kept me awake. And shadowed me all day. Found out Rachel had the same kind of day. We made our box of spaghetti tonight. I am so glad Rachel picked out the can of sauce with meat. We both feel like we just want some protein, even if it is a morsel.

I thought I would really have a struggle when I picked up Nick’s McDonald’s order at lunch today. I told Rachel that as hungry as I had been feeling all day, I thought it would be torture to drive the few blocks with the aroma of Micky Dee’s fries wafting through the air. Are you with me? What a blessing though. I was so busy thinking about some of the blessings God has brought me, that I didn’t even notice!

I should probably give some background to the hints I have left on Facebook so far. I posted our Experiment on Facebook to keep me accountable so it would be harder to cheat or quit. I am glad for the accountability. The hints:
#1) Some things are harder/some are easier: The harder part is trying to make our couple bucks stretch. The easier is….hardly any dishes!
#2) 10.7 million people, including half a million children: live in homes in the U.S. that experience hunger skipping meals, eating little, or going without food for a whole day.
#3) In the human condition, there are all types: All types of hunger. Humans hunger for peace, for love, for purpose, for belonging, for relationship with God. Physical hunger is probably the easiest to offset, so it makes me wonder why hunger is still a major issue worldwide.

WHAT IF I wasn’t so selfish? WHAT IF I can’t save the world, but I am supposed to help one child? One person? One family? WHAT IF I stop looking for them? WHAT IF I miss out on being a part of God’s story in the life of another? WHAT IF we don’t “get” whatever it is we can and should be learning through THE EXPERIMENT? WHAT IF we spend this week experiencing short-term hunger but don’t empathize with the pain of “the hungry”? WHAT IF all we end up with at the end of this week are a few sleepless nights and some growling stomachs?

Day 5,6,7: Just as I was about to start our journaling Day 5, I heard, “Mom! Sparky’s bleeding!” We ended up at the emergency vet until 1:30 or 2:00 a.m. The next day found us too exhausted to journal. So, here are the highlights from the next 3 days.

Since we had been so hungry on Day 4, I really expected Day 5 to be a struggle. ..a long, dreary day to try and muddle through. I sensed God saying to me, “You don’t trust Me, do you?” That caught me off guard. What did this EXPERIMENT have to do with trusting God? I mean, it was just a short term, one week experiment, right? I got to work and noticed a package in my mail slot. It was a bag of Jolly Ranchers with a note saying something about payment.The day before, I had done a favor for a driver and had jokingly told him that it was going to cost him. And this was his tongue in cheek payment. A whole bag of candy! Here was God surprising me when I didn’t expect it. I picked out one of each flavor for myself and for Rachel and then shared the rest of the bag with my co-workers. At lunch, someone put a Jimmy John’s sandwich on my desk. “I didn’t order that.” I didn’t hear what she said exactly but it was something about someone buying me a sandwich because of my social experiment. Another unexpected surprise! I saved half for Rachel and couldn’t believe how full that bit of protein made me feel. Rachel’s boss bought her a chicken wrap, so for dinner, we switched out sandwiches. Ah, protein! “Trust Me.” I knew that wasn’t about a Jolly Rancher or a sandwich, but about every part of my life.

On Day 6, we barely felt any hunger, we were so tired from our night at the vet’s. It was eat and early to bed.

Day 7. I came into work to, once again, find a diet coke waiting for me on my desk. My co-workers are the best!! After this week, we knew that today would be easy. Our last day, we would probably breeze through. We still had our stash of goodies, too.

I had a chance to talk with a Christian brother from South Africa early in the day. One of the things he noticed about Americans was our absence of God from the center of our lives. We have so much that we tend to rely on ourselves and don’t include God in the equation. Later in the evening, we were talking with our friends Danielle and Aaron. Aaron mentioned hearing about a Christian leader who commented that he was amazed how much we accomplish on our own, because we have left God out of the equation. That is really at the core of THE EXPERIMENT. Without God at the center, we just lived a week with very little food. Perhaps developed some empathy. But with God, this week will take on life and depth beyond our small efforts. I don’t know how that will play out, but I know who He is. He is the One who spoke and a world and its beings were created. He is the One who takes nothing and makes it into something breathtaking.

WHAT IF my life was to reflect my belief?

Day 8 The End….or is it the Beginning?
I asked Rachel for her observations from this week. We laughed when she said, “Canned food is very salty!” But then she recalled the time when she was helping pack food at Taylor Human Services’ food pantry and they were giving almond milk. She said that she remembered thinking that she would never drink almond milk. “But if you have no food, you take what you can get and eat it…even almond milk!”

We realize, now more than ever, that we have more than we thought we had, and need less than we thought we needed. And not just when it comes to food.

We have an increased awareness of the issues and experience surrounding hunger, as you would expect. I was surprised by the joy we found. Joy in sharing with each other from the meagerness we had. I can’t really explain it. But it wasn’t a joy derived from the things, but joy from walking this together, from rejoicing and celebrating in the blessings. From being joined in a common purpose.

One of the things I felt God speaking to me throughout this week was about giving Him the best of everything and every part of my life. Rachel and I talked about how when we have given to food drives in the past, we have given stuff like that can that has been left sitting in the cupboard for a year. Just grabbing whatever we didn’t really want or need. Now, we want to make sure we are including protein and some luxury items. The really good stuff, you know? And so it must be with what I give to God. Not just the leftovers, but the really good stuff.

Why? In John 12, we are told of the woman who came and poured expensive oil over Jesus’ feet and wiped them with her hair. Was this a shocking emotional display and waste of resources? Jesus response could seem even more shocking because He sat there and received it. RECEIVED IT! He is recorded as saying, “Leave her alone….the poor you always have with you, but you do not always have me.” (John 12: 8) His reference to the poor at the seeming waste of this expensive oil is very telling. Throughout the gospels, we see example after example of Jesus being moved with compassion…the feeding of a crowd of people who came to hear him, raising a woman’s dead child because he was her only son, healings, reaching out to the ones who were the last people who deserved his attention, and the list could go on. So it wasn’t that he didn’t care about the poor. But He knew what she got (as evidenced by her actions) and I often don’t get. He is WORTHY!

I have all kinds of these alabaster jars filled with the best of what I have…possessions, money, time, energy, passion, talent, rights….that I have been hoarding , telling myself that I will break them open and offer them at a future date. My motivations have sometimes been fear, sometimes selfishness, sometimes apathy, sometimes greed. God is telling me to break them open and pour them out at His feet. Now is the time. NOW is ALWAYS the time. Not because I might receive a blessing, or joy, or purpose, or satisfaction. But because He is WORTHY of it all, of every drop of every hoarded jar.

Last January, I sat in a restaurant with my Christian sisters, as one posed a WHAT IF? question to the rest of us. That resulted in the 6 of us (who are still amazed that God provided the finances) holding Guatemalan orphans in our arms and hearts in July. And a month later, sitting in a pastor’s office, a man we had never met, asking more WHAT IF? questions. One of the things he said to us was, “Start by just doing SOMETHING.” which confirmed to Rachel and I to live out THE EXPERIMENT that sprang from a WHAT IF? question we had asked each other early that morning. It’s the domino effect, one WHAT IF? leads to another, and then to another, and on.

I don’t know if the Holy Spirit is placing WHAT IF? questions in your heart, but our advice, dear friend….. is BREAK THE JAR!!!!!

MOTIONS

And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.” Isaiah 6:8

BLOGGING VS. FACEBOOK

To me, Facebook is like conversation around the water cooler at work. Lots of sharing, some personal, most short conversations, catching up on what's going on, quick share of info. On the other hand, Blogging is like sitting down and sharing a cup of tea with a good friend. Maybe some of the same topics are covered, but usually more indepth and intimately.

What do you think?

MAKOTI

Sunday I went to a wedding shower for one of my young friends. She is going to marry a South African, of the Zulu tribe. She taught us that Makoti is the word for bride. She won't be referred to by her first name but as "Makoti".
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I love that concept. As a Christ follower, I love the concept of being recognized as His bride. I love the concept of losing myself in my love life with my Redeemer. Of being Makoti!

STAYING VISIBLE

One of the things we train new drivers at my company, is how to "stay visible". For our couriers, it is important that other drivers and our dispatch know where they are at all times. Our road staff work as a team, and if a job becomes available, one driver may recommend that another driver cover that job because he/she is in the best position or may be heading in the direction the package is going. Since the jobs are announced over the radio, the couriers have to rely on each other to have their backs in case they are out of their vehicles when the job is called out. "Staying visible" is key to making a good income and providing excellent customer service.

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The concept of "staying visible" has been on my mind alot lately. With a work email, a personal email, twitter, Facebook, myspace, instant messaging, blogging, texting, a cell phone that I keep with me constantly, you would think I would have no trouble staying visible. But I do. I mean, I am just getting used to Facebook and someone told me that Facebook is on the way out.

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I am trying to be deliberate about logging on and reading, tweeting, posting, writing on walls, T9ing, IMing.......is it any wonder I am overwhelmed??? LOL

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The good thing is, I have friends in parts of the world that I would never had had. I have found relatives and friends that I lost contact with. So, I have decided it is all worth it. I need my friends. I need the support, the comfort, the laughs, the inspiration. I am going to try and quit "ghosting" and "stay more visible" in the future!

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Image taken from here.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Wow, that's a big oscillation!!"

Image taken from here.

I received this Sisterhood award today from Lidj...which is pretty remarkable seeing I have been MIA from bloggersville. However, it did make my day and was all the more special because it came from this friend.

You know, we have been talking alot at work about business blogs and the new business catch phrase "Social Networking" that emphasizes Facebook, Twitter, blogging, etc. It has made me miss you all very much and has reminded me of how grateful I am for you. You are always there if I need a laugh, a shoulder to cry on, a prayer, encouragement, inspiration....heck, some of you even brought me meals when I had my surgery a few months back.

I guess I should tag you all...even if you ain't a sister, but a brother!!

IT'S COMPLICATED

"... we had always had a complicated relationship. We loved each other deeply, but like I said....it was not easy. I'll just say it as it was, she was not an easy person to be around, and out of frustration, and sometimes anger, I didn't always do all I could to make it any easier..." These words from my friend, Pat's blog, jumped out at me today. They captured exactly how I have been feeling.
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This morning was a tough one. As I was fixing my mom's breakfast I thought, "This is why God gave me only one child. He knew I would be parenting my mom for all these years." And today, I felt much too old and too tired for a giant toddler. That is why my friend's words spoke so loudly to me.
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Growing up, my mom was probably the perfect mom. She was a scout leader, artistic, creative, committed to her children's pursuits. I remember that near our birthdays, she would ask what kind of cake we wanted. It didn't matter what we came up with, she would find a way to make it. Probably the most difficult was the year my brother asked for an aircraft carrier cake. And at his birthday party, there was a replica of the aircraft carrier my dad served on in the U.S. Navy, complete with airplanes made out of lifesavers and sticks of gum, lined up on the deck!
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When I was 11, my parents had a meeting to tell us that they were divorcing. I had to move into the master bedroom for awhile when my dad took up residence in my room. I don't remember much about sharing that room with my mom, except I used to like looking through her jewelry box and this gave me plenty of opportunity. My parents went on to divorce and my dad eventually exchanged our family for a new one. We became step-children. I know everyone tried very hard to co-mingle the two families...but as Pat said..."It's complicated!"
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My mom became a working mom. Something that was very uncommon back when I was a kid. Divorce was still a word that was whispered in polite company. I remember putting on birthday parties for her and inviting all her friends from work. But somewhere along the way we lost each other. She abdicated her role as parent, probably because she was exhausted from work, and I pretty much became my own boss.
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Over the years, as I graduated from high school and college, married, set up my own household, and became a successful business woman, that small fissure that had begun in our relationship, widened. While I loved my mom, she was not the person I turned to with my joys and fears. She was involved in my life, of course, but things were just different.
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While my journey as her emotional caretaker had begun soon after her divorce, my journey as physical caretaker started when I was pregnant. I began doing my mom's laundry since she was now in a wheelchair. That is how everyone was first alerted that I had gone into labor. I didn't pick up her laundry that morning and no one could reach me all day.
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As the years wore on, her physical needs became greater and greater. Her world shrank and she didn't seem to mind at all. She was happy. We (my brothers and I) made modifications to her home so she could maintain the most mobility and independence. But somehow, she didn't see things that way. She does not like change. And there had to be changes. She resented us for those changes, not seeing the sacrifices that our families made to allow her to stay in her own home. Ah, it got complicated!
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Now, my mom is just a shadow of her old self really. The other day I got her dressed and then forgot to tell her to sit down in her wheelchair. I took her soiled laundry downstairs to the washer and heard yelling. I ran up the stairs and there was my mom, gripping onto her walker, not knowing what to do next because I had neglected to remind her to sit down in her wheelchair. Or, the day last week my daughter called me in tears asking if I could come home. My mom had left the water running in the sink and flooded the bathroom, enough so that water dripped into the basement below. Sometimes she remembers how to use the telephone, and other times she can't figure it out. Every day is different. Some are fine and fairly easy. Some are not so easy. Like life, I guess.
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Sometimes we see glimpses of my "old" mom...the way she used to be. She lights up whenever any of my brothers come over. Sometimes, her voice sounds exactly like it used to...strong and confident. She loves the caregiver that comes twice a week to help out...they laugh and joke and my mom is soooo happy when she is there.
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I have helped a number of my friends place their parents in senior care. Why do I keep trying to take care of my mom at home? It's complicated. Part of the reason is...she wants to be at home. I will never forget the way she cried when I told her she was coming home during her last nursing home rehab. Part of the reason is...my dad never took good care of my mom. She deserved better than he was able to give her and I guess I am trying to make up for that. And part of the reason is...I am afraid my mom, the essence of who she is, will disappear completely soon. And I want to do everything to prolong that inevitability. And part of the reason is....God created me to be a nurturer. So many times, I have felt God speaking to my heart, letting me know that I am fulfilling a part of His purpose, by caring for my mom. And part of the reason is....I want to teach my daughter that family sticks together, even when the road gets very, very hard. And part of the reason is...she is my mom and I am her daughter. It's just complicated.
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Pat, I have told you many times that you have been a blessing and have helped me cope with caring for my mom, in your own experiences with your mom. Thank you for doing that yet again. There is a freedom and strength that comes from letting go and saying "it is hard and difficult...complicated really". And from being understood.
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Image taken from here.

I WONDER WHAT THEY WERE THINKING

19 And going on a little farther, he saw James the son of Zebedee and John his brother, who were in their boat mending the nets. 20 And immediately he called them, and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired servants and followed him. MARK 1
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I wonder what Zebedee was thinking when his sons left their work in response to Jesus' call. Did his sons say anything to him like, "Hey dad, you will be ok. You have these servants to help you." or "We are going to check this out and will back in an hour or so." Did he beg them to stay or secretly wish he was the one exiting the boat? Was he mad? Indifferent? Confused?
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I wonder what the servants were thinking as well. "There go the boss's sons...they always get out of work." Had they heard anything about Jesus? Were they ticked off with getting stuck with more work? Or were their hearts breaking because they didn't have the right to follow?
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I wonder what this moment in time looked like to those around who weren't being called?

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Little Sisters 1 and 2, and Pamela...thanks for the meals. Deeply appreciated!

ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.....

....and he has taken my gall bladder with him! Image taken from here.

Thanks everyone for the prayers and all the support!

Rebecca, thanks for the soup! Image taken from here

Sara and Dean....my first "real" food hit the spot! Image taken from here

EJ, Lindsay, & Jack - 2 thumbs up! Image taken from here.

CYBER FRIENDS

I have had people tell me they don't believe that cyber friendships are really real. That the internet is one more way for us to "disconnect" from real people.
I have found just the opposite to be true. When I started to blog, one of my friends told me there was a blog I had to read. That I would really connect to the writer. I did. Through her blog, I have connected to some of her friends and family. I have met people I would not have met otherwise. A young woman from another country that I now call "dear niece". The brilliant student and the inventor/writer who make me think outside of the box. The poet. The artist. The mom I hardly knew and the mom I knew B.B. (before babies). Some of my cyber friends I have never met and may never have the chance to meet. Some I have met but don't see often.
This I know, I have come to care about my cyber friends deeply. I laugh with you. I worry about you when you don't show up for awhile. I pray when you or someone you love is sick, or laid off, or marching off to war, or hurting, or scared. I learn from your wisdom. I rejoice in your victories and joys.
Recently, God brought another new cyber friend into my life. I connected with my friend. She has a heart that loves others and just wants to serve. She is the kind of person who, as Oswald Chambers puts it, "produces a longing after God in other lives..." I began to care about her and her family. She began to care for me and my daughter. Besides blogging, we began to email. She has become a blessing in my life and I am thankful for our growing friendship.
If cyber friendships are not real, then I ask you...why did my heart break for my friend when I received her email saying that her beloved husband died? We both know that he is not broken, or weeping...but is rejoicing in the presence of his Savior. I have been praying for days for my friend. That her heart would be comforted. That she would be surrounded by people who love her and her children. That there would be shoulders to hold her up and shoulders to cry on. That there would be those to share memories with, faith with.
Those of you who call me friend, whether you know me in person or not, would you please join me in praying for my new friend and her children? I know I can count each of you!
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ELECTION DAY MUSINGS

I got up at 4 a.m. this morning, so I could vote before it was time to get my mom up. My plan was to arrive at my precinct sometime before 6:30 a.m. I figured it would be crazy busy after that. I was right. I ended up being voter number 27, I think and was out of there by 7:25, home within 10 minutes. My mom never even realized I had left. And now, I can relax the rest of the day, knowing I don't have to face a 2 hour wait to vote later.

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While I was in line, I struck up a conversation with the woman in front of me. We chit chatted about the early hour, the lack of caffeine. We guesstimated about the time we thought it would take us to vote, and would we make it to work without being late. At one point, she began to tell me about her children and their thoughts on the election. I was so sad to learn that her children came home saying that they and their peers don't think a black person can get elected in this country, and if he does, he will be shot and killed. This woman was black. I am not. As a mom, I cannot imagine how I would feel if my children felt that someone of their race would be killed if elected, just because of his skin color. Sigh, we still have a long way to go don't we?

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A local bakery is giving out two free muffins if you come in wearing your "I voted" sticker. I promised a co-worker one of the muffins. He didn't think I was serious, so his muffin was a nice surprise.

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I had a nice surprise this morning myself. After I left the bakery, I had to stop at the bank. I knew I was early but they are pretty close to each other. I pulled up to the drive through window. The teller and I have shared a number of conversations about our kids. Both of us have kids that want to travel internationally. Anyhow, when I pulled up she said, "I am sorry, but did you realize we don't open for another 15 minutes?" "Yes, I know," I answered. "I was in the neighborhood so I figured I would just wait." "You know, let me just go ahead and take care of you," she said. How nice was that? So, even with voting and running 2 errands, I got to work by 9:10!

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OK, I have to admit that I was a bit of a pot-stirrer this morning. At the bakery, they had Obama and McCain cookies. My co-workers are predominantly Obama supporters. So I bought out every single McCain cookie to take in to them. You can imagine the comments, but they did get eaten!

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You know, even though the TV and radio announcers were joking that this election would be called by 8:05 a.m. there is one thing that is really certain. Whoever gets elected is going to need all of our prayers, every day. He has a tough job ahead of him!

image taken from here.

MY LIFE OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS

I took Rachel to her first book signing a few weeks back. The author was Brian "Head" Welch, formerly of Korn. He was a phenomenal speaker-had the capacity to make a person feel like he was speaking one-on-one while he kept the whole crowd engaged. Buy his book. It is a remarkable story of a life transformed. Buy his CD for your kids. They will love it!
Our company had an open house at our new facilities in Grand Rapids. The building looked great. We got to meet some interesting people and wonderful customers. And a co-worker and I got lost in Lansing for about an hour on the way home. The state police were routing people off the e-way and since it was dark and late anyways...we got lost. But with the help of our dispatch staff, we were able to find our way home. The very next day, Rachel and I left for a camping trip in Indiana.

My friend, Sandy, drove her class A RV by herself for the first time. She also parked it. Didn't she do a fantastic job backing it into the camp site?

This photo and the following photo's were taken by Rachel.

Since I was so tired from the previous couple of weeks, preparing for the open house, I decided we weren't staying in a tent. Instead, Rachel and I stayed at the Potawotami Inn. It was great!

We sat around the campfire, laughing and talking. We went on a hayride, the kids went on pony rides, we celebrated a couple of birthdays. This is an annual trip and I always look forward to it.

This is one of my favorite shots...looking up the trunk of a tree.

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Somewhere in these past weeks, the following Quote of the Day happened:

"She marches to the drum of a different beat!"

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This past week, I participated in the launch of Time Out at Richland Bible Church. It is a group for single moms. The women from this church just showered so much love on the women who came.

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This past weekend my friends' daughter got married. It was in the outdoor chapel at Sherman Lakes YMCA open air chapel. The wedding was fun, the setting perfect. I have never seen a bride and groom enjoy their wedding as much as this couple. This was also Rachel's first time being a bridesmaid. It was a simply wonderful weekend...filled with family, with love, and community.
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So, I am back at work today. I think life is returning to normal and I will be around much more often. I will spend the rest of the week getting caught up on YOUR lives and happenings!!

SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE

We went to a wedding last night. It was fun! Besides celebrating the launch into a new phase of life, there are always the mutual friends you get a chance to catch up on life with as well. Our table laughed the whole night. It pretty much started when I was trying to smell a candle, and didn't realize that hot wax was dripping all over my blouse. On my way back from the Ladies Room, the table next to us told me that I had toilet paper stuck on my shoe. I guess the look on my face was pretty good, because then their whole table was laughing. Ah, it is my gift to spread joy...tee hee.
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My favorite moment of the evening was watching another couple, part of the bridal party. The wife, one of my "kids" is ready to have her second child any moment. She was hoping to make it through last night before going into labor. Her and her husband stood up with other people, but at one point, her husband walked over to tenderly help her down a couple of steps. His touch was so gentle and loving. Just what a wife wants, someone strong to watch over her and take care of her. I wished I could capture that moment for them forever...something for them to look back on when times are tough, or dirty clothes left on the floor irritate, the checkbook doesn't balance....or they are sitting on the porch on warm evening just looking at the stars.
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Earlier in the day I was thinking about a line that is rarely heard in wedding ceremonies now-a-days....that moment when the minister asks the crowd if anyone knows of any reason the bride and groom should not be joined in holy matrimony. You know the line...."Speak now, or forever hold your peace." How did that start to be a part of the commitment ceremony? Has anyone ever stood up and responded to that? The only example I can think of is from fiction, when Jane Eyre was going to marry Mr. Rochester, who happened to still be married. I seriously cannot imagine how one would handle that moment. I mean, what would you do? Stop the wedding and get marital counseling? Say, "You know, you are right. The sames things have been bothering me for a while now?" It would be rather awkward to greet that person after you went ahead and they came through your receiving line. Maybe that is why there are so many groomsmen....crowd control. :-)

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Image taken from here.

THE SOLOIST

I was at a gathering a couple weeks back and the topic of conversation turned to mental illness. The young man I was conversing with asked if I had ever read "The Soloist" by Steve Lopez. I hadn't but the conversation was intriguing. My daughter and I happened to visit a our friend's bookstore right after that conversation and she spotted the book. I picked it up and started to read it while she browsed other shelves. I could not put it down.

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You will read about the power of music and the power of friendship in this book. It made me want to do a better job being a friend and a better job of making myself and my resources available to others.

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I highly recommend this book. If you want to know more, you can read about it here, the same place I got the image from.

THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER REVISTED

The graduation party was incredible! After it was all over, Rachel and I prayed together and just thanked God for the many loving people has brought into our lives. We felt surrounded by God's love. My family and closest friends helped with the food and my moment of panic when the circuits kept blowing and we couldn't get the food warmed. I think my eyes glazed over and when I came to...the food was ready! (Did I mention that they also cleaned up afterward?) Also, there was no brawling. My husband's mother, who has barely been able to stand being in the same vicinity as me, actually talked to me and gave me a number of hugs! God is truly good.

The morning after, I took my daughter to meet her dad for their trip to the airport. She will return from Kansas next Tuesday. Tomorrow is her 18th birthday and I still feel sad that we will be apart. I have sent her a couple of cards and have a present for her to open hidden in her luggage.

Last Thursday, my mom had some health problems. Thought we would end up in the ER. We still may.

Monday, I think I had a gall bladder attack.

So, mostly good stuff....and a bit of the difficult.