Tuesday, June 06, 2006

SOCIALLY SINGLE....AGAIN


Tonite, my divorce recovery group shared how difficult socialization has become after divorce or seperation. (I asked if i could share their comments.) It really is like being a square peg being forced into a round hole. They just don't fit.
Long before my divorce, my husband had excluded himself from our group of friends. God forged my community into a family. So, when my divorce happened...I didn't lose all my friends or social relationships. I had this wonderful "family" that cocooned my daughter and I in their safe, loving arms. Most poeple don't have this experience. Most people lose the majority of their relationships, friends and family,when they divorce, leaving them alone and feeling isolated.
Another thing my group members have experienced is stereo-typing and suspicion from "couples". They said they feel like couples don't want to have them around, fearing maybe being divorced equates to looking to "hook up". My "family" of friends is made up primarily of couples and I am so glad it is. My ex-husband and I were not able to model a healthy, God-fearing marriage to my daughter....but we are surrounded by great role models, who through sharing life with us, are teaching her what Godly marriages look like. They are giving her something I cannot provide her on my own.
My group members also shared that "the church" tends to want to pigeon-hole divorced people, like divorced people belong in the "divorce" group and not with the community at large. They want to experience diversity in relationships, in opportunities. They also want to be seen as viable, active, contributing members of their communities.
I was cocooned within this safe little family for most of the three years I have been divorced. This past New Year's Eve was my first time in a mixed social setting. I joined my friends and their friends for dinner before our church gathering. I like people and can talk to most, but I will admit I was somewhat scared. Who do I sit by? Will the others feel awkward around me? Will someone misunderstand my natural friendliness for something else?
I have been fortunate. Someone has always jumped in to rescue me. My challange for you, Church, is what will you do with us? How do you plan to care for us? Worship with us? Care for us? Fellowship with us? Work alongside us? Minister to us and with us? Heal us? Love us?

Please be praying for the divorce recovery group I am a part of.

7 comments:

Becky said...

Standard answer is because...
I can and YOU allow me to love you, care for you, worship with you, fellowship with you, be close to you. And that my friend, is the power of God!

Sara said...

i love, care for, worship, fellowship and live alongside you as my sister. every wall has to be erected by someone. they don't spring up into relationships naturally. i will promise to not be a wall-builder. and i will let you teach me what you need when i just don't know what to do. and when we fall short, love covers all.
thanks for reminding us of the needs behind the smiles.

Becky said...

by the way-DO YOU FEEL THE LOVE?

KayMac said...

Becky...I do! Now we just need to spread that around to the others who need to feel the love! k

Peta said...

Dear Kay Mac, I'll surely be praying for you!!
I just wanted to say a big big thank you for praying for me, it has really worked. Sorry I didn't reply earlier. But, I'm just dead. My Taking-Test-marathon is almost over, the worst season is behind me.
Your prayers really saved me on Wednesday - I mean, REALLY!! On Tuesday, I was learning until midnight and when I got to bed, I still knew like half of the things I was supposed to know...so I had to wake up early to learn the rest and was totally dead the whole day. But God gave me wisdom when I needed it and he also prepared an easy test for me instead of a hard one.
Also, on Thursday, I got to know that I was supposed to know much more than I learned for another test, but again, I was able to take the test quite without problems - that was God's hand!!
And today...I'm dead (I think I'm gonna write about it in my blog), but I'm so happy to be able to find the time for you, dear. Again and again, thank you with all my heart and soul.

KayMac said...

Peta, glad you have gotten over the worst of the testing. Rest up! Take care! kathymc

JT said...

I will continue to pray for your group and I thank God for bringing you into our lives! You are so fun, and so good to us, I am so excited to have you in our new chapter of life! I love you and am proud to worship, fellowship, and care WITH you. Amen Sister!