Saturday, February 28, 2009

WHERE I AM

In Mark Chapter 4, Jesus is at this lake and begins to teach. The crowd grew so big, that Jesus got into a boat so that the people could sit on the shore and everyone would be able to hear. He told them stories, illustrating the mysteries and truths of God's Kingdom.
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Now you should know that in the days preceding this, Jesus had healed people and touched lives in such a way that you could be pretty certain he wasn't your "average Joe".
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Anyhow, at the end of the day, Jesus says to the guys on the boat with him, "Hey, pull up anchor and let's go over to the other side of the lake." So the guys on his boat, and a few other boats that were with them, set out to do that very thing.
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On the way, a storm blows in. Not just any storm, but a "furious storm" of hurricane proportions. And the waves are crashing against the boat and filling the boat with water. I have been sailing on Lake Erie in gale force winds...well, not actually on the Lake, but in a channel off the Lake, and let me tell you....wow, that was some ride. It was pretty intense despite the shelter of the channel. Can you imagine how things must have been for the boat Jesus was in? Wind and waves and water. The crew must have been scurrying, orders being called out, water being bailed...fear and panic and chaos.
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And where was Jesus during all this? Asleep on a leather cushion in the back of the boat. Oh man, imagine how those guys must have felt. Jesus really?! This was YOUR idea to head for the other shore, now we are all going to die and you are what? Sleeping? The words they said to him when they woke him up said it all. "Master, don't you care that we're perishing?" I can hear the accusation echoing over and over. "Don't you CARE?"
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Jesus gets up and reprimands the sea. Did you get that? He REPRIMANDS the sea much like one might reprimand and impudent child. Jesus tells the sea to hush and settle down. AND IT DOES! The sea immediately settles down, exhausted and perfectly calm.
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Ok, I don't know what that crew was expecting when they woke Jesus up, but it sure wasn't that. Their eyes must have been like saucers, and it is recorded that they were totally in awe but also filled with fear. I can see them, voices lowered, asking each other, "Holy cow, who IS this guy? Did this just really happen?" Oh, how about the poor guy that woke Jesus up? In my imagination, he was trying to remember if he might have shook Jesus just a little too hard. "Uh, Jesus, about that bruise I gave you when I woke you up. I'm really sorry man. Can I get you anything? A cup of coffee? Another cushion to rest on? Sorry I flung the other one overboard...I wasn't really mad I was just a bit scared there...not really myself."
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Remember what they had all seen and experienced in the days before this one? Jesus said to them, "Why are you afraid of me now and why didn't you trust me?"
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For the past weeks, I have been bailing water from my boat. My mom is getting worse, bills are piling up, I could lose my house, I am not where I thought I would be at this stage in my life, my options are few, even the dog is having health problems....bailing, bailing, bailing, bailing. I am being swallowed up in fear and panic and chaos.
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And there it is. Once again, that accusation from long ago. "You are Sovereign. You have chosen this rocky path for my life. Why aren't You rescuing me? Don't You care? Don't You CARE?"
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Jesus reminds me of the many ways He has proven Himself and His love to me. Events, people, His Spirit, His Word, His life, His death.....healing, rescue, healing, rescue...again and again.
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"Daughter, why the fear? Why aren't you trusting me?"
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"I don't know, Jesus. I don't know."
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"Hush. Let there be peace."
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And there is. And it is immediate.
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4 comments:

Joyce said...

that was amazing kath.... that was exactly what i needed to hear. i will repent, pray and meditate on this. my friend.... how easy it is for me to tell you that everything is going to be ok and God is here with you... and what a hypocrite i am for doing just the opposite in my life. that again shows my self- centeredness in this world... amen sister, amen. As our Heavenly, sovereign Lord and Savior is with us, i am here for you too. i love you so much. <3

Mike Edwards said...

I love the fact that Jesus doesn't criticize them for not really "knowing" who he was or what he could do. He goes to the HEART of the matter and asks them about their FAITH.

I'm just like you, Kathy, where my knowledge level often far exceeds my faith/belief level. Praise God he continues to demonstrate his undeserved grace in our lives so as to build our faith. Tonight, as I read what your posted here, I felt like crying out to Jesus much like the father of a boy who he healed: "I BELIEVE:HELP MY UNBELIEF!!!!"

Blessings.

Margie said...

i have scripture all over my house on note cards, it probably looks dorky but I love it and right on my mirror in my bathroom, right by my toothbrush in brown and orange writing Matt 14:31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

It reminds me. It reminds me that He says to have faith, to trust in Him and though it's not easy, I try. And I continually thank Him for His grace.

I'll be praying for you and if you need me, please send me an email, call or something, you're kind of on my way home, or we can meet for dinner at Panera and just love each other.

Crown of Beauty said...

My dearest friend, I have thought often of you. I got back from Guam Friday morning, and I knew I had to visit my blog friends. Didn't have time at all. Too much to do. Internet connection at home was down. I had to take my laptop to a wifi restaurant to do my Guam post. And now I am at this internet cafe hoping to catch up on visiting as many blog friends as I can. I feel for you, I love you, and I'm praying for you. No dearest friend, your boat will not sink. I pray you will not lose your home. May God's compassion and generous provision reach you.