Thursday, April 26, 2007

REFUGE

Where do you go when you need to feel safe?

Sometimes for me it has been a place. Most people don't know this, but when I was very young, I was incredibly shy. So shy that when we were expecting visitors, I would watch for them at the living room window-hardly containing my excitement. When they arrived, I would go hide in my bedroom closet or under the bed-no one could coax me out. My grandparent's house was another of my safe places-It always gave me a sense of peace, a sense of comfort. Church has often been safe place for me. Slipping into my seat, listening, or singing, or just being quiet. When I was going through my divorce, I used to curl up in bed, pulling the covers tight, hiding from life.

Sometimes for me it has been people. My brother, Mike, is one of them. When I have a problem or am upset-I call him, or we get together, or he shows up to offer help. When my husband came to tell me that I would be served with divorce papers the following day, I left my house...afraid to have my daughter see the breakdown I knew was coming. I ran to my friends-and was in as vulnerable and broken a state, physically and spiritually, as I have ever allowed another human to see me in....before or since.

A bed, a closet, a pew, a people. Last night, I couldn't wait to get home to the safest place of all for me. I needed to be alone with God. I poured out my heart to Him. I wept. I asked Him so many questions. I laid my broken heart before Him and pointed..."Look, these are my wounds. These are my hurts. This is my devestation. " Deep. I brought Him into the deepest parts of my grief.

And now I wait for His answers to my questions. I wait, perhaps for His correction. I wait for His healing. I wait for His insight. But I am calm now as I wait...because I know I wait in the safety of Him.

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,my fortress;
I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.

Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah
Psalm 62:5-8


Image taken from here.

8 comments:

Richard said...

I like to be alone in my room. Of course, being married, I no longer exactly have my room anymore. When my mind is racing I find rote prayer helps to calm it - of course, it really has to be deeply ingrained in ones psyche to be even moderately effective.

I am sorry you are troubled. I pray your pains and anxieties will soon pass and be no more than faint memories.

Take care.

Sara said...

like richard; i am sorry you are troubled as well. it seems to be a time of hardship for the children of God lately. my love and prayers are with you. quietness in your spirit is my request on your behalf. xos

Pat said...

God is speaking to His children about refuge in him this week. I just finished writing my blog and posting it. If you have a minute go read it, it's pretty short...but it too speaks of our troubles and His promises.
Praying for you.

Margie said...

I am sorry you are having a rough time too. I love you.

I usually email Sara, call Tonya or my cousin Kathy, and I go to bed and curl up and pray.

I love you.

KayMac said...

ok, well ya'll made me cry again...lol

Jada's Gigi said...

may your troubles be, as Pat posted, "as waters gone by"...praying you hear His still small voice from the inside out...

Peta said...

God is our refuge and you are such a great servant to Him. YOu are such an amazing example and your love truly shines for him. I am so happy and blessed to be your friend. God will give you answers and comfort your heart...and I know you know it :)

Tom Harry said...

thank you, thank you so much for this post.