I was up on and off all night, my mind just swarming with thoughts. I started reading this book by Ravi Zacharias. It is based on lectures he gave at Harvard and Ohio State. I am just a few pages into the book, but when I put it down last night I tried to imagine what this world would be like without God.
My first thought was...how would I feel if I lost God? I thought about the many years I spent childless, wanting a child. Now that I actually know my daughter, I cannot imagine life without her. When I transposed those thoughts into what it would be like to have known God and then to lose Him, my first thought was....GRIEF.
All night long, I kept thinking of aspects of a life without God. How would my personal life be different? What would it be like to live in a world that was not created by God? Would it be as beautiful? Would the sun still warm us? Would colors be vibrant?
What would it be like to interact with other humans without a moral code? I am not talking about a list of do's or don'ts...but a universal moral code? What would commerce be like? What would I place my hope in? What would drive me?
I remember having a sort of spiritual awareness even as a young child. I was raised with religion, so it was not a thing unfamiliar. But the first memory I had of something personal between me and God was as a young child. I said something to the girl next door about Noah's Ark. She had never heard of Noah's Ark. I was surprised and I began to tell her about Noah and God and the animals. I told her story after story. And while I was talking...I felt something. I didn't know what it was but it was deep within the very center of me. An awakening, or stirring, or knowledge...a definate feeling. As an adult, I believe that was the Holy Spirit. Maybe a prompt, or a nod, or a smile. I don't know which. But it was very real, sort of like the butterflies or warm feeling you get when you look at someone you love.
As the night progressed, I came to realize that I think most people are not athiests. To be an athiest, one must strongly deny the existance of God, of a spirituality even outside of Christendom. I think the majority of people espouse the existance of God, but live without Him. I think this realization surprised me. I don't know. Perhaps I never pondered it quite fully before.
You know what surprised me even more? Me! As much as I think I am a Christ follower, I was confronted with how much of my life I live without God! I am wondering how my life will look different when I live more with God than without Him?!