Monday, July 09, 2007

SO, THIS IS WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON....

Thanks everyone for your continued prayers and encouragement.

We have kind of gotten our routine down. Every morning, I get my mom up and going. She needs assistance w/ her toileting. We have her wear a diaper now. I have to help her get dressed b/c she can't figure out how to get her clothes on and off. She wants to be waited on and I know she gets mad when I make her do things for herself. Or, if we don't respond to her requests quickly enough. Part of me wishes I could take the phone away from her. She makes all these weird calls. One day, she called the phone company to see if I changed her phone number and address while she was in the nursing home. When she gets a recording she talks to the recording like it was a real person..."Okay, I am going to press 3...alright, I just pressed the number". Some stuff is funny and makes us laugh. Some stuff has me worried. I came home the other day to find that she had a couple of blisters on her index finger. I checked and there was nothing on the stove, the microwave was unplugged just as I left it...then I noticed the coffee. I forgot to pour her coffee into a cup before I left in the morning. I am sure she tried to reach for it and burned her finger. Yesterday, I had pulled a couple hamburger patties out of the freezer to make for her dinner. When I went to cook them, they were gone. I asked her where they were. She had eaten the raw patties. In the nursing home, she complained that they gave her too much food. At home, she eats constantly. I make her breakfast, she gets "Meals on Wheels", I leave out a couple snacks (fruit, popcorn, granola bars) and she has it all eaten before lunchtime. We are learning to not argue with her or try to reason with her if at all possible. Sometimes she knows she sounds looney. Other times, she thinks we are crazy and unreasonable and even mean.

As hard as this is for me, I know it is more difficult for her. She was always an independent person. She is often aware that she is becoming disoriented. She is living in her own home but her choices and issues related to self-determination are being whittled away, faster and faster. She is the parent who gets told what to do and when, by her children. Her home and life have been invaded. She can't be trusted to spend her own money and I only leave her with a few dollars at a time.

Yesterday, I cried. I was just feeling overwhelmed and the pressure of never being caught up with her needs, of the craziness of some of her behaviors, of being pulled and pressed on every front. So, I rested. And have more strength for this new day.

On another front, I am taking an actual lunch today!!! And I am planning on trying to get caught up on your lives and read your blogs. Whoo hoo!

Also, my wonderful, beautiful, loving, fun, intelligent, musical daughter turned 17 years old last week!

Ok, here I go to read your blogs........................

6 comments:

Sara said...

oh kaymac. i will say it; i'm so sorry you're going through this. i know how hard it is watching my mom with my gramma. there are no pretty words to make it easier except to say you are truly Jesus to your mom right now. i'm praying for you.

Pat said...

You make me cry for so many reasons, the first being the depth of your love and compassion. Your mother is so blessed.
There is no way to sugar coat what you are living - it's so hard. Sometimes it helps just to cry for a while and know that Jesus hears us and lifts our burdens.
Happy birthday to your sweet daughter. Seeing what an incredible mom she has is a gift far greater then anything you could wrap up with a pretty bow.
Kaymac - your all that AND a bag of chips..... and I am praying for you.
xoxo

Becky said...

kaymac-i feel your pain! the words i can give to you are to find the joy of the funnies that are locked away and seep out where ever they can. i got mad at my grandma for being ill, i got mad at her children for not doing more but was even madder when they would do if FOR her! but the funnies were what got me thru. other than the fact that it was what it was and that it stayed that way. love you my friend!

Margie said...

I love you, praying for you, and darling, if there is anything you need, you know my number, call me, email me, I am here for you! sorry you ahve to go through all this. My heart is crying for you!!
loveyou!!

Peta said...

My dear friend, you are so strong and God will give you enough love, strength and patience. You are doing everything you can and you will be rewarded SO richly!! Just keep serving her as you would serve Jesus, you know that. And you have a wonderful daughter...your best friend after Jesus, am I right? She's there for you, always. Happy Birthday to her!!

Praying for you.

Jada's Gigi said...

lifting you to the Lord...