EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER

I am finishing up a few things before I am off from work the rest of the week. Saturday, we will celebrate my daughter's graduation from high school. A number of broken relationships will be reunited there. Either God will be glorified in all of these lives....or it will be a glorious brawl! I will let you know what happens.

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On Sunday, my daughter will leave with her dad to visit his home in Kansas. I already miss her. I already worry that he will take good care of her. I know this will be a good thing for her relationship with him, that she is growing up and will have plenty of adventures of her own...but the mom in me is still strong. As she learns independence, I will learn to let go.

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She will turn 18 while she is away. I have never been apart from her on her birthday. I won't like that. Neither will she. We are truly best friends. For that, I am very grateful.

Image taken from here.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Question: Do you want to go to the store?

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Answer: "Heave 'er up an' away we'll go!"

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Image taken from here.

TODAY IS NOT MONDAY....

For some reason, I keep thinking it is Monday...or maybe it just feels like a Monday. My brain knows it is Wednesday. Yesterday, one of the new drivers I was training kept thinking it was Monday. Maybe I caught something from him? LOL

Image taken from here.

WAS THAT WHIZZER WHIZZING BY?

My neighbors have a white dog named Whizzer. Yeah, I don't think he got that name for being fast. They have asked several times(and I don't believe they were kidding) if we were perhaps looking for a dog. One day I saw Whizzer running down the street and was able to entice him to me with some very splendid dog treats. When I returned him, his owners clipped him to a leash INSIDE the house. I thought this very strange until I heard stories about their "wireless" fence and many other failed attempts to keep Whizzer in his own yard.

A week or so later, as I stood over a counter preparing some things for my mom's daily rituals, I saw a very tired, white dog hurrying home in the early morning hours. Was it? Why yes, it was Whizzer. That was the first of many mornings I have watched Whizzer returning from his canine adventures, tongue lolling to the side, laboured breathing...but definitely a look of smug satisfaction on his whiskered face.

This makes me laugh. I look for Whizzer every morning now, hoping to witness this triumphant truant returning in all his glorious splendor. I don't know why this makes me feel happy....but it does.

Image taken from here.

CONFESSION

Sooooooo....I mentioned my co-worker, Jill in my last post. And how she was touching the lives of others. I was telling my daughter about her. And I said, "Man, I want to be a part of God's story like that." Several weeks ago, I shared with a group of friends that I felt like I didn't want "it to be over" when it came to ministry and ministering. That I have this deep longing to be doing something but I just don't see or know what that is. In the past I very much felt God's focus and direction and call.

And yesterday I was mulling this all over. And two things God said to me:

1. He has placed me in a position to serve. But it is one I don't like. That of taking care of my mother. Our roles basically reversed when I was around 12 years old. I became the caretaker. She was broken in spirit by her divorce. And later, broken in body and resigned to a wheelchair. I take care of her most private of personal needs. I have been doing this for so long and I frequently resent it. Oh, sometimes I see the picture clearly. I see all this as an answer to her prayers. I see it as a way to minster in a Mother Theresa-esque way. Caring for the sick. But honestly, most of the time I see it as a burden and I dream of the days I can escape. And I often minster in the most joyless manner. I am not telling this so you can feel sorry for me. I am asking for your prayers so I can be strong in what I have been called to and strong enough to repent of the resentment and bitterness that I give way to. Really, I don't want advice....I just need your prayers.

2. He has put opportunities in my path...but I have stopped watching for them...missing them completely. And He brought opportunity after opportunity to my mind. Ahhh, how could I have walked right by that one? This one, it didn't even register. Yesterday I was determined to be very deliberate about watching. And there they came, opportunities that I could act on. Not for a pat on the back. Not to be busy. But how can I explain....just to be a part of Jesus and His work on this earth...it is fulfilling, it is holy, it is an honor that I don't deserve but again, one I am thankful for. Again, please pray for me. That I can pause from my self-focus to see others...to answer the call when my Lord sends it out.

I have been the pontificator. I have been the theorizer too self-absorbed to be moved to action. My heart has been filled with self-pity. That is NOT what I want to offer to a holy God.

image taken from here.

WHAT IMPRESSES ME.....

1. True Leaders....because it is a mighty thing to have people want to follow you.
2. Peace Makers....it is an easier road to sow conflict. A much harder way to delicately navigate conflict with wisdom and righteousness.
3. My co-worker, Jill. She does not pontificate. She does not theorize. She just washed 14 loads of laundry for someone who did not have a washer. She has made countless blankets for the poor. She bought a suit for a child who was graduating at the top of his class but did not own a suit. She delivered several dressers to families nearby after brokering them from a storage facility for a very reasonable price. All this in the name of Jesus and within the last two weeks.
4. Artists and writers and musicians. Because they capture what beats in our hearts but often finds no adequate way of expression.
5. The Generous....who have unwrapped their fingers from self and material gain and in turn, have met the real needs of others.
6. Seekers....who do not boast of knowing all truth...but commit to the journey of discovery beyond themselves, and in their journey, teach others.
7. The Simple....who often in their simplicity, live profoundly.
8. Old People who still hold hands and old women who still blush at a compliment from their aged lovers.
9. Creation....the vastness, the diversity, the expression and the unexplainable....more than enough to ponder and wonder about for a life time and forever.
10. The Creator...who is and was and is to come.

I PEED MY PANTS YESTERDAY.....

....well, I almost did. My daughter and I were going through her memory box picking out pictures and awards to display for her graduation party. We read some of the stories she wrote in 1st grade. Oh my, oh my. We had a hysterically good time.

She has truly been a gift to me...a gift from God. Filling my life with laughter, with joy, and with love!

picture taken from here.

THE RANDOM AND THE NOT SO RANDOM

1. Last week, I had two training classes going...one here at my office in Detroit and the other in Grand Rapids. I enjoyed the Grand Rapids group the most...we fit in quite a few laughs. But I have to admit that I am exhausted. Mentally.
2. This post, Tappers, is quite intriguing. I have come back to it over and over. "Starting today, I want to remember that everyone else isn’t hearing the tune. Today I want to be a more understanding tapper." I have been applying this to so many areas of my life. Like looking through a new pair of glasses, yes? Seeing things differently is causing me to live differently.
3. Yesterday, my daughter and I watched The Great Debaters. She commented that this took place "not that long ago". My mom was 7 years old. White, and living in the "North". I wonder if my grandparents listened to these debates? I wonder what they would have thought? I never heard any racial or ethnic slurs or jokes or plain ol' offhand comments from them or my mom. I hope my family would have been among those who gave a standing ovation. Needless to say, it is now my turn to make sure the "applause" continues to echo.
4. While watching the movie together, my daughter made some slight gesture...just a slight pat on the arm...but it left me with this HUGE impression of how much she loves me. Have I told you that she is graduating from high school and turns 18 in a couple of weeks? While she will always be my baby, and has grown into my best friend...I will miss the girl she has been. A part of me is feeling quite melancholy about the whole thing.
5. At the end of working around the yard and house on Saturday, a friend and I lit a fire in my backyard fire pit. When the flames ignited, it was that kind of whooshing fire, that grows big quite quickly and burns quite hot. As we sat there in the quiet of the early evening, the sky still blue, the birds still chirping away, that kind of whooshing fire swept over me. Right in the center of the stillness and quiet, my heart was taken away by thoughts of the greatness of God, and the loving burn of His presence. My friend talked on, but I was very still. I just wanted to be. Quiet. With Him.
6. Later, I went to poke at the fire with my fire stick. One must have a good fire stick when tending a fire. I guard mine well. I sat back down quite hard in my lawn chair, and continued to go back, back back...until I stopped quite suddenly with my feet up in the air and my back against the cold earth. Ouch! It hurt but I had to laugh at what I must have looked like, and it was quite a few minutes before I could find a way to get myself out of that chair. It is times like these that remind me not to take myself too seriously.

Enough, I need to get back to work. My desk is a site...all kinds of projects sitting there waiting for my attention. I really hope your Monday is a good one!