WHAT I REALLY WANT

Thanks everyone - so, so much for your support, and kindness, and prayers, and laughter. Now we have recorded evidence that I can lose my temper. And yes, we are doing better. And the sun shines brighter today than it did yesterday.

I knew that I would be writing you today, asking you to pray for my ex-husband, because I believe in redemption. I believe that the hardest heart can be redeemed by Jesus Christ. Mine has and continues to be.

Today I was reading the following:

And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. 2 Timothy 2:24-26

And God's Word, as always, got right to the heart of the matter. What I really want is not for my ex-husband to be a good dad. What I really want for this man is redemption. I want him to bow his heart and fully submit to a Just and Holy God. I want him to feel the embrace of his Savior and the warmth of that love between the created and the Creator. I want his heart to burn with desire for fellowship and intimacy with the Beautiful One.

What I really want is for you to pray with me, that God may perhaps grant him repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, that God would rescue him from the snare of the devil, and that he would come to his senses...and know that he is gloriously captured and that he would be captivated by Jesus our Christ.

Image taken from here.

BROKEN HEARTS

This morning I asked 7-11 Sam how her kids enjoyed their camping trip with their dad. Their dad never came and picked them up. He was on the phone with his son an hour before he was scheduled to arrive and assured his son he was on his way. This sweet little boy sat on the curb waiting for his dad all afternoon. This dad never showed.

This afternoon, my daughter went to lunch with her grandmother, my ex-husband's mother. She texted me to tell me that she just found out that her dad recently went to France. (His new wife's daughter and grandchild live in France.) I haven't talked to her yet, but I know my daughter is devastated. Her dad never calls her. He left the freakin' country and never told her. He visited a country that she dreams of visiting and never told her.

I am out in dispatch and trying to hold back the tears. I switch between finding it hard to breathe and wanting to throw up...I am so so soooo angry. Because he does this over and over. And I have to stand here and watch it happen. I can't protect her from this.

I know she has me and I am a great mom. I know that God is going to use this for good in her life and make something wonderful out of it. I know that she will survive. I know that when I see her in a little while, I will love her and point her back to Jesus. And she will continue to love and forgive her dad.

But for right now...I want to fight. I want to take him down. I want to make him a better dad. I want to hold him accountable for every tear he has made her cry.

Image taken from here.

THE DIA

We had so much fun at the DIA today. Now, I am not an art aficionado but some of the paintings were incredible. My new favorite artist (as of today)...George C. Lambdin is renown for his paintings of roses. We kept bumping into a couple of art snobs...oh my gosh, they were so pretentious and it made me fall in love with them. They were making all the right comments about the sculptures or paintings. I, on the other hand, was making stuff up and cracking jokes. There were some portraits that were amazing...the detail and the life the artist was able to capture....there were a few that we were sure were going to get up and walk right out of the paintings!

But the most wonderful thing I saw was as we were leaving. We were standing by the front doors, getting ready to head out into the pouring rain. People were coming in shaking the rain off, and others were huddled getting ready to start into the museum, still others were making mad dashes out the doors in their vain attempts to ward of the raindrops. I noticed a couple a bit off to my right. They were older, ordinary. The man was arranging a jacket around the shoulders and head of the woman, I assumed to keep her dry when they walked out. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but I could tell it was tender. And she stood there, arms at her side just looking up at him. I couldn't help but stare as we made our way past. And the look in their eyes, him looking down into her face and her, looking up with complete adoration....an intimate moment caught in time....it was breathtakingly beautiful!

Google George C. Lambdin to see more of his works!

MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND

I am really looking forward to an extended weekend. Tonight I am getting together with my close friends...my family really. We have been taking a look at what God says about character. One of my friends is bringing me some lilacs. I have lilac bushes at my house (that I am still renting out) and I was kind of sad the other day because I thought I missed lilacs this year...I used to fill my house and my office with them. Anyhow, I love these people and I can't wait to spend some time with them.

Tomorrow or Sunday, I am taking my daughter to the DIA. She doesn't know it yet, but I have been promising to take her for months and months and have never fit it into the schedule. I just found out it will be closing for 7 months or so....I just have to make this happen. I will probably work on the yard at my mom's house, go to the nursing home to visit her, and work on the bathroom...I have started taking down the wallpaper...ugh, big project. Sunday afternoon, MakeNew meets and we usually have a meal together.

I am hoping to keep Monday kind of quiet...maybe watch an old movie or two and relax a bit.

The other thing I am planning on doing is spending some time in prayer for our troops.

Image taken from here.

OH YEAH!

8 p.m. tonite! me and my girl...not as good as the LOTR trilogy...but still looking forward to it!

Image taken from here.

PRAYER FOR MY PASTOR

Hi Lord,

I would like to ask You for a few things for my pastor.

Will You give him a joyful heart, filled with laughter and the wonder of You?

Will You keep his family safe and healthy and strong?

Will You surround him with great men who are supportive, and wise, and who love You like nothing else?

Will You enforce the vision You have placed on his heart, so he is sure of the way he is headed?

Will Your Spirit come upon him and anoint him in a tangible and mighty way?

Will You give him rest in the middle of this difficult thing called church planting?

Will You open Your word to his heart and mind so he is illuminated with the truth it holds?

Will You form him into an awesome leader, who points the rest of us to You?

Will You keep him pure and guide him through the things that would distract him or pull him from You?

Will You make sure he never has to wear a funny hat to fulfill his service and duty to You?

Thank You (especially for the hat thing...wink). I love You.

Kathy

Image taken from here.

DIFFERENT STROKES

i was thinking about a concert my daughter, some friends, and i will be going to in a few weeks. i will lift my arms up and sing and shout and throw my self totally into the experience.

/

my daughter will stand, probably with arms folded, watching, quiet, not uttering a sound while she totally throws herself into the experience.

/

and we will both have a great time. and we will both come away rejoicing in our Rescuer, Jesus! and both of our hearts will be glad and overflowing. i can't wait!

/

Image taken from here.

ANGER OVERLOAD

I have never had so many people angry at me at one time as I have had in the past couple of weeks. There have been family issues, work issues...to be honest...there have been issues on just about every front.

I have also had a few people ask me recently if I was angry about something when I wasn't. So, it got me to thinking. I am not always aware of how I come across. When I am overwhelmed, or burdened, or worried, or afraid...I think I can appear angry when in reality, my mind is totally somewhere else. The other thing that happens is that I am not as careful towards others as I normally am.

Another side of the coin is that sometimes, I am angry...really angry. Last week one person in our office was not helping out when we were in a bit of a crisis...you know those "all hands on deck" kind of times. I thought about asking someone else to say something to this person. I figured that wouldn't be fair, so I bit the bullet and told the person to get to work. Later, that person posted something that made me mad every time I saw it. I could feel my temperature rising....my eyes going back to the passive-aggressive message every few minutes. I thought of a hundred smart-aleck responses and even started to type a few in response. I finally closed myself in my office and just begged God to bring my heart to a place of repentance. I posted the name of Jesus right next to the other person's post...so that my eyes would be drawn to His name instead of the other.

The old me would have struck back and struck hard. I grew up with three brothers and I lived with an angry man for 23 years. I know how to throw down. And I have. And there have been times when I know I have brought shame to the name of my Lord with my angry behavior. Nowadays, I recognize that there are other things more important than being right, or being the strongest, or winning.

So, I have been spending the past few days rebuilding. There was the phone call to a co-worker who was rude to me because he thought I was being rude to him. I called him and said I was sorry for anything in my tone that may have given him the impression that I was being rude. We ended up laughing together and he worked harder on the next project I needed him for than he would have the day before. There was a visit to a family member who had gossiped about me and judged me unfairly. I just tried to be as friendly and loving as I could. The jury is still out on this one, but at least there remains an open door between us. This weekend there was another family member who I had inadvertently offended when I disagreed on a position that I thought was benign. I dropped in to tell that person that I loved her and was sorry that I had hurt her and promised I would be more careful going forward. Her smile was a mile wide when we parted.

I am trying to be more careful with my interactions with others, to be watchful of the climate we find ourselves in, to keep myself in the present and not let distractions make me appear uncaring or unloving.

Image taken from here.

CYPERSPACE

Yesterday, I had an email pop up in my in box that had been sent to me in March. Two months later...here it is. It got me to wondering....where was it all this time? Just floating around in cyberspace? What is cyberspace? Binary language? How does the simplicity of two symbols produce this vast galaxy of information and communication?

Prayer is like this for me. It is so simple yet so beyond my comprehension and understanding. I cannot explain prayer.

Images taken from here and here.

THE UNEXPECTED

Today has not gone at all as planned. I had planned to stop in at the nursing home to see my mom before work. Didn't happen.

I walked in the door at work and the things I had planned to accomplish today are still undone. After over 6 hours of being here, I am just now able to slow down and take a breather. In the middle of the stress of the day, I reminded a couple of people, as well as my own self, that things are in God's hands.

Tonight, I was planning to do something, but then was told that I didn't need to, and then today was told that I did need to. Of course, I had already made other plans. Expected plans cancelled have now become another dip in today's unexpected.

Last night I was asking God about some areas of uncertainty in my family's life. In the middle of the craziness of the day, I hear Him reminding me that my unexpected, is not at all unexpected to Him.

And I find peace. Close to Him.

But for me it is good to be near God;I have made the Lord God my refuge,that I may tell of all your works. Psalm 73:28

Image taken from here.

MY MOTHER'S DAY

I had a full day ahead of me but I got to spend a few minutes reading a new book my friend, Tracey, got me. It's about William Wilberforce and I am finding it absolutely fascinating. In fact, it is making me want to read more about him and by him.

My daughter woke up and came in to give me a huge hug. The card she got me made me cry. It had a quote from "Winne the Pooh" that in it's simplicity, spoke profoundly about the depth of relationship between Pooh and Christopher Robin. I love that she picked that card out. I also cried because I am sure my backside looks alot like Pooh's...lol.

We hit the road early to go out to Lansing to see our friends and their new son. My daughter plugged in her Ipod and played all the songs that she has downloaded just for me, or songs that she thought I would like to hear. How wonderful is it that my kid has songs on her Ipod for her mom? That is a gift in itself.

When we got to Trinity Church I had to visit the Ladies' Room because I drank a diet coke on the way there. (This fact will be important later.) Rachel and I found some seats and when my friend Alan came out to get ready for the service...I bounded up to the stage to say hello and let him know we were there. I really enjoyed the musical part of the service. I love singing when Alan is leading...he is gifted and his leadership in this area moves me to praise my God with my voice and my heart. During the offering, a 91 year old great, great grandmother played a melody of hymns, including one of my all time favorites, "In the Garden". She was blind. She played beautifully. She glorified God in her playing. I wanted to give her the biggest hug but settled on joining the rest of the congregation in giving her a standing ovation. I wondered what I will be like should God favor me with 91 years?!

After the service, I was standing in the very crowded gathering area. I was laughing and talking with the Cullens, as well as another young family that I deeply love. I can be pretty animated. It was when I reached over to give one of these young mom's a Mother's Day hug that my daughter's eyebrows went up and she said, "Um, mom....." She kind of pointed and I thought maybe I had something on my jacket or blouse. I looked at her but she was pointing lower...um lower than I would have liked. (Remember that trip to the bathroom?) Yep, my zipper was unzipped! And since my pants were a light, gauzy linen, I couldn't perform the one handed zip up! I decided to hold my purse in a strategically placed position until I could correct matters in a more private location. My mind did flash back to my visit to the front of the church to say hello to Alan before the service started. I thought all those smiling faces were people just being friendly! I got an email from Kelly this morning that had me laughing about this all over again.

Later in the afternoon, we met with some other friends for some talk, some dinner, and a bit of laughter when I opened a bottle of pop after I had dropped it. There are a few young mom's and expecting mom's who are becoming very dear to my heart and I was happy that I got to spend part of my Mother's Day with them.

We made it home in time to watch the Survivor finale. Rachel and I watched it together...watching us watch this show would be like watching fans at a sporting event. There is plenty of jumping up and down, shouting at the screen, and high-fiving that goes on!

Just a simple day. But I would live it over again!

Image taken from here.

MY 7-ELEVEN

So, I haven't seen Robert for many, many months. Neither has 7-11 Sam. She said he doesn't come in any more. This morning when I stopped for my coke, there was a new guy digging through the trash for bottles. I took him a few bottles and he said, "Thanks, this will help shorten my day!" If I see him around again, I will find out his name....and see if he needs shoes (wink)...but for now I will refer to him as "Bottle Guy".

The owner's wife and I were walking into the building together. She has a beautiful smile and is always so happy and welcoming. Her husband is not so smiley...but I have learned that he is just as nice as she is...he just doesn't let it show as much.

Sam is doing well, although her son is having behavior problems again. She is getting called to his school on a regular basis.

When I was at the counter paying for my coke, there was a woman who was trying to pay for some gas that she had already pumped, using a gift card. The card was $2 short. I could hear the panic in her voice because she didn't have it...she was pleading with the owner to let her go find an ATM or go home and come back. She almost started to cry. Gosh, there have been so many times I have felt the same way...short on cash and trying to figure out how I was going to pay a bill. I had exactly $2 in my wallet and it was easy to hand it over because I have been rescued time after time after time. She gave me a hug and did cry. I understood her tears. I told her to consider it a gift from her God.

I have come to really love my little 7-11 family...the ones I no longer see and truly miss, the ones I see every morning, and the new ones I am just getting to know.

GABRIEL

Please be praying for Gabriel. He is just about 2 months old and is having surgery tomorrow to remove a cyst from his intestines.

QUOTES OF THE DAY

My daughter got to come with me on my business trip. We had some interesting conversations, resulting in two "Quotes of the Day":

"Aaaahhhhh....Awaken your mind and focus your attention as my arm extends to point out an item of interest over toward the west!" -How we imagined Sir Walter Scott might say "Look over there!"

"Dang, my uterus fell out again...Not a good day!" -A cow story from All Creatures Great & Small triggered a conversation on prolapsed uterus's.

Image taken from here.

update

hey everyone,

i was out of town on business and caught up in a crazy week last week, so i have just finished reading all your blogs and figured i would give you a quick update:

-thanks for all your prayers. God has really given me some answers and a sense of peace in the area that i was seeking Him in. He brought the story of joseph to my mind...specifically, "what [was] meant for evil, God meant for good".

-thanks for the prayers for my sister-in-law. they hadn't told anyone else in the family, but she was being checked for cancer. biopsies are in and there is no evidence of cancer!

-happy belated birthday to my friend, Max!!

i hope to be back on the regular blog circuit from here on out!

take care,
kaymc

PLEASE BE PRAYING

A post or so ago I mentioned that my brother Mike is one person who always helps me out, who is always there for me when I need a friend or some kind of help.

Well, Mike and I have been calling back and forth since last Friday evening. Please be praying for a family member. I will tell you more next week.

Thanks, both he and I appreciate your prayers.