SOCIALLY SINGLE....AGAIN

Tonite, my divorce recovery group shared how difficult socialization has become after divorce or seperation. (I asked if i could share their comments.) It really is like being a square peg being forced into a round hole. They just don't fit.

Long before my divorce, my husband had excluded himself from our group of friends. God forged my community into a family. So, when my divorce happened...I didn't lose all my friends or social relationships. I had this wonderful "family" that cocooned my daughter and I in their safe, loving arms. Most poeple don't have this experience. Most people lose the majority of their relationships, friends and family,when they divorce, leaving them alone and feeling isolated.

Another thing my group members have experienced is stereo-typing and suspicion from "couples". They said they feel like couples don't want to have them around, fearing maybe being divorced equates to looking to "hook up". My "family" of friends is made up primarily of couples and I am so glad it is. My ex-husband and I were not able to model a healthy, God-fearing marriage to my daughter....but we are surrounded by great role models, who through sharing life with us, are teaching her what Godly marriages look like. They are giving her something I cannot provide her on my own.

My group members also shared that "the church" tends to want to pigeon-hole divorced people, like divorced people belong in the "divorce" group and not with the community at large. They want to experience diversity in relationships, in opportunities. They also want to be seen as viable, active, contributing members of their communities.

I was cocooned within this safe little family for most of the three years I have been divorced. This past New Year's Eve was my first time in a mixed social setting. I joined my friends and their friends for dinner before our church gathering. I like people and can talk to most, but I will admit I was somewhat scared. Who do I sit by? Will the others feel awkward around me? Will someone misunderstand my natural friendliness for something else?

I have been fortunate. Someone has always jumped in to rescue me. My challange for you, Church, is what will you do with us? How do you plan to care for us? Worship with us? Care for us? Fellowship with us? Work alongside us? Minister to us and with us? Heal us? Love us?

Please be praying for the divorce recovery group I am a part of.